Need Advice for My Hubby's Bad Habit

I hate to say it but there is really nothing you can do.

I have always been VERY organized and even after twenty years and all of my best efforts my oldest daughter is the only one in my house who (somewhat) takes after me, and my husband is the WORST. His closet looks like a tornado came though it. He takes change, golf tees, useless receipts, you name it, out of his pockets and just lets them pile up on his dresser. Never mind that I have provided a wastebasket, he just ignores it!
It's just so crazy because he has beautiful clothes, he's very well groomed and professional but his living space is another story :(
My son and daughters have laundry baskets in their bathrooms, yet they throw their clothes everywhere. I have hooks for jackets and baskets for shoes by the front door and I'm pretty much the only one who uses them. I could go on and on but you get the idea.

I told my husband years ago that if I have to live with a bunch of slobs in a 3,000 square foot house then I am hiring a cleaning lady! And I did, I am very lucky, she helps me maintain my sanity :)

Have you tried some sort of storage thing? That was he can put his stuff in there and nothing gets lost. Just a suggestion, he will never change.

My husband is like this and I have just come to realize he will never change. He has gotten slightly better over time, but not much. It's like living with another child...he can never find stuff. If he is in charge of helping our son with his homework one week (like this week), half the homework cannot even be found by the time our son needs to turn it in on Friday. I feel like (I know) I am the only one keeping all our lives together and in some kind of order. It gets tiring. But I don't get mad about it anymore. It is what it is. One thing that has helped is our house has an office. We made that my husband's office and all his little things around the house go in there. He puts his stuff down in there after work. It is a horrible, unorganized mess...but I can close the door!!! I love it. If he leaves his wallet and a bunch of other stuff on the counter I just go stick it in his office. It helps my sanity a little bit. He can clean up his own mess in there when he feels like it. But yet, like your husband, he is constantly losing things and cannot find them. I just say, well, if you put it where it belongs then you would not lose it. I don't help him look anymore. I think this has forced him to be a little better about this (but not much). I think some people are just like this...it is their personality. And maybe it is often a male thing but not always. I have a good female friend who is the exact same way. Her house is a crazy mess all the time, and her husband is not much better than she is. I don't know how they do it! She is a scientist and works full time (and has 2 kids) so she is very very busy. To her cleaning and organizing are just not important. These do not rank as priorities in life. Also, I think she never learned how. She waits till ever single dish is dirty before starting cleaning up the kitchen. She once came to visit and said, I've always wondered how your house is so clean...I've been watching you and I see you are always cleaning up/putting things away where they go all day long as you go. She said she was going to try that! Funny. I'm not sure how her mind works. In my husband's case I think 1. his mom never made him clean, 2. In his mind it is not important compared to other things in his life and 3. He has a much higher tolerance for messiness.

This'll probably sound weird, but could you just get a big bin or something? And tell him, "Honey, this bin is all yours. If you want to throw something somewhere, and not think about where it really belongs, put it in this bin. Basket! Slam dunk! I don't care what it is. Keys, phone, banana peel, the bin belongs to you. If you're looking for something you've lost, just root through this nifty bin, and you'll probably find it." If you need to, one bin per room. I'm sure it wouldn't be perfect, but I'm trying to think of an at-home version of his storage shelf.

Oh, and what about those "find my keys" things, where you can actually "call" your car keys? You can actually use those for any belonging that's prone to getting lost.

Ugh, mine is the same way. I just don't get involved anymore when he loses his own things. His things get lost, he needs to find them.

When he borrows my keys or phone charger, I make sure to grab them the SECOND he walks back in the house, otherwise they end up just about anywhere. I actually started keeping those items in my purse at all times so he won't borrow them (he is deathly afraid of tampons and won't go in my purse ever!).

ETA: The other thing I did to protect my car keys is I took the key to HIS car off my keyring, and I put it in my desk drawer (he doesn't know it's there). That way if he loses his keys mine won't do, or else he has to take my car (which he dislikes).

Does he want to change? if the answer is no, there is nothing anyone can offer you to help change someone else's bad habits. I'm the messy one and my husband is tidy. I am always trying to do better. If your husband is trying and wants to do better, I'll tell you a trick that I taught myself a long time go. I always felt rushed for time and that was my excuse for tossing things on the floor and leaving projects out. Then I began to tell myself, If I don't have time to put it away, I didn't have time to take it out in the first place. If I don't have time to hang it up, I don't have time to change my clothes. If I don't have time to do dishes before i leave, I didn't have time for breakfast. If I had no energy for dishes, then I had no right to cook so elaborately. Of corse it doesn't always apply, I still rush out without doing the dishes, but it helped me prioritize my activities a little. If I wanted to do the thing, i needed to be willing to pick it up instead of rushing to the next thing.

You can't change him. Life will be much easier if you do not rescue him when he is looking for items too. He will have no need to change if he doesn't have the natural consequences of his actions.

Let him be himself and have some space somewhere in the house that is just yours. It can be compulsively organized and spectacular. That way when his disorganization is getting to you there is a place you can go and calm down internally.

My wife is the tidy one and I'm not.

I've been honestly trying to be more tidy almost since we were married. I'm STILL trying. I'm a lot better than I used to be. She cleans as she cooks and I tend to clean and wipe after the meal is over and eaten.

I really want to do better and have gotten better, but its just how I am. Just like there are things I'd like for my wife to do (buy the groceries that are on sale, not just the first things you put your hands on.)

We aren't perfect. We try and are tolerant of each other.

Good luck to you and yours.

I used to think like this, and then when I realized he wasnt going to change, I got over it and did things myself.
My husband puts things where he wants them, fine, whatever, its his house too. If I want it cleaned up, I clean it up.
Something kind of funny one time, I asked him to put the toilet seat down when he was finished, and then he asked me if I could put it UP for him when I am finished. lol. He does what he wants, but I DID win that one, at least in the bathrooms that the kids use, because we dont want our kids to swim in the toilet when they go to use it.
All I have to say is gooooood luck! ;)

He sounds like me. I do try, but I have a bad memory and I always have SO MUCH on my mind, it is really hard for me to stay consistent about where I put things. My husband is like you, just the opposite of me.

Honestly, I TRY. I lose the keys all the time. I've left my purse in public places, but the biggest problem is the TV remote. Now, we only use netflix now, so I don't do this anymore with our TV, BUT, I have put the remote in the refrigerator several times, and the biggest shocker is last summer I put MY MOM'S tv remote on top of our van, traveled for 2 hrs, and found it STILL on top when we got to our destination. Why I even brought it out of her house baffles me!

I have brought our "land-line" wireless phone in our car a million times, and once then left it at someone else's home.

I only know I did it later after someone sees it. It is NOT intentional. So, I think it is just some sort of unnamed disability. Jokingly, and... seriously!

Now, I love organizing household things, and keeping our house tidy and clean, but as far as most-used items (most important as well), I misplace them and forget:(

Since he sounds so much like me, I really don't think he can change and I don't think what he is doing is intentional. REALLY... heck, maybe it IS ADD. I would not be surprised!

You can't change him. Sorry.
All you can do is take preventative measures to ensure you will have your
car keys, know where the remote is etc.

I recommend:
-making an extra set of car keys (to your car & his)
-putting a remote "finder" on each set of car keys so if they are lost you
can "beep for them". Saw it on an infomercial
-when you see the remote on the picnic table, immediately bring it inside
-his wallet? he's on his own
-check his pockets for "items" (keys etc)
-never throw away empty bags etc w/o first looking inside
-nagging WON'T WORK. You can't change another person. You only have the power to change "how you react" to things.
Good luck & hang in there! You can do it! :)

How in the world does he function at work? Or is this just happening at home?

Wow, how frustrating! First off, you're not going to change him, so you'll have to just settle for things not getting misplaced "not as often"...

Buy a few nice looking baskets, boxes, or similar and place them: immediately next to the spot he dumps his things as he walks in (near garage door), another in your bedroom where he can drop his keys/wallet/money, and a 3rd someplace else (by front door).

Is he ADD? Sounds like he might be...
Hang in there!! ;-)

I don't think it's worth the effort. You won't change him - you haven't succeeded yet. Just put his stuff away -- it won't take long -- and forbid him to use anything of yours that you need to be able to find. He should have his own car keys, so he can't lose yours. Let him suffer the consequences of his losses.

I get it. It is annoying but he is how he is and he probably couldn't become as organized as you would like even if he tried. Look at it from the opposite side. What if he kept nagging you about being organized. What if he was frequently telling you to lighten up that the world wouldn't stop spinning if the deodorant wasn't placed in the bathroom. You probably wouldn't like it and I am guessing you would continue to be organized and wouldn't just spur of the moment decide to fall into chaos.

Love, love, love my husband. He is just like yours. Just today, he told me he had lost his front door keys (why they're not on his key chain, I have no clue). So this morning, in order to leave the house, he took the spare set of keys (we have to keep lots of spare sets of keys because he always seems to misplace his). So he went to work with the spare set of house keys. At some point during the day, he LOST the spare set of keys. When he got home, I was out, so he had to climb over our gate (it was locked and don't ask where THOSE keys are) and come through the back door.

He then found his original set of front door keys in a jacket (go figure), but now he has no idea where the spare set of keys is. Ughhhh!!!! When he told me all this, I just said - wow, that all sucks - and went about my business. He rarely loses MY things - thank God. I have found the TV remote in other rooms, on the fridge, in the basement, etc. WHY DOES IT LEAVE THE LIVING ROOM? Gotta love men. I don't think we can change them.

Hi, Melody:

There is a book by Dr. Chapman: The Five Love Languages.
This will explain why you are having difficulty with your husband.
All the best.
D.

I'm sure my husband would love to hear if you find a solution. In our house I have those habits you described. If I can't find something I know it's no ones fault but my own.

I cannot drive without my glasses. I am constantly saying "anyone seen my glasses?"...and they are constantly saying "where'd you have them last"...and I say "If I could remember that I would have them"...

To those wondering how he does it at work...well he does it because it's smaller space. I am completely organized at work...almost to the point where you might think no one uses my desk. I wish I was like this with my stuff at home.

10 years and my hubs has tried everything too. Just we are who we are. I will "be good" for about a week and then I just slide right back into old habits.

The only thing you can do is let him bear the consequences of it. If he can't go to work because his keys are MIA, tell him he has to find alternate transportation. If he can't buy lunch because his wallet is in a gift bag (omg!), let him go hungry. The only way he gets better at this is taking ownership of his problem instead of you being his mommy.

The alternative is to demand that he go get tested by a neurologist. Putting things in bizarre places can mean there is actually a neurological disorder, and maybe if you show him you are worried enough about his brain not being normal, he will start paying attention.

Good luck,
Dawn