Should I Say Something or Not?

You are right. Babies can't make their own decisions so the parents make them. They have made their decision. If it were me, I wouldn't say anything since it really would be none of my business.

Doesn't seem like a great idea to take a newborn premie to a place with tons of people....so probably wouldn't have taken him to the mall or the bday party. Nonetheless,when they took their child to that location, they controlled what time they went, how long they stayed, and who could hold and touch the baby. At a Welcome Home Baby party, they will have to be there at a certain time, stay the entire time and pretty much let everyone in attendence fawn over the infant. I think their request to wait until Thanksgiving is beyond reasonable. If I were you, I'd say nothing about it.

I would say don't get involved!! stay out of the family drama...it will just put you in a difficult position later on...and it will come back to bite you...sorry that is just the way things happen. The situation totally sucks!! So sorry!!

With new babies.... Sometimes you just reach a filling point (Got. To. Get. Out. Of. The. House. Now.), and sometimes an invitation comes at just that moment. Meanwhile, you're intentionally turning down every other invite ALSO for your sanity & the baby's health. At. That. Moment. Which changes aaaaallllllll the time.

Here's a great acronym I've co-opted from another mum on this board:

THINK before you speak;

Is it

True
Helpful
Inspiring
Necessary
Kind

?

Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away.

I'd just wait, then if Tday doesn't happen, figure they're EXHAUSTED and need help. Throw a smile on, roll up my sleeves and start helping. Instead of asking them to do something for me. But that's how I operate. I just sort of assume the best in people until I find out they're icky (rare), and then cut them out of my life. So far, while people have bad days/weeks/even months... I've found that assuming the best (that they're smart, aware, live me madly, are trying to do what's best, etc.) works out reeeeally well. I've cut out maybe 4 people in my life, and assumed the best if hundreds.

it's a shame, but really not your affair. in his shoes, i'd consider it very interfering if you were to advise him on what to do if i hadn't asked.
the baby doesn't care.
i feel for the MIL, but unless your BIL or his wife ask your advice, zip it and let them handle it themselves.
khairete
S.

Your mom is a wise woman. Stay out of it. This poor little baby is going to end up with a cold and it will scare them to death.

They "hear" but don't really get it. They are tired of staying in and want to get out, so they think "well, just a little bit". But a little bit with a tiny baby is such a bad idea.

Dawn

Blech... Don't get involved! No need to add drama to your life.

Don't get involved. Not your business to meddle in. They are the parents and whatever they decide regardless of how you feel, is up to them. By bringing this up, you will only cause more trouble for yourself.

Sounds like something a young person would do. 22 is so young to be a new parent. I'd cut your brother some slack here. When I was 22, all I was good at was drinking beer (well, I was in grad school, so I was good at something else, but managing a preemie and in-law relations? ) And they live with the FIL? There will be some pressure from that end too.

Only say something if you really must, but otherwise, cough it up to kids having kids when they are way too young.

Ugh! Stay out of it...

NONE of your business...

It will only cause YOU to be the bad guy because you're interferring.

Good luck.

leave it alone, your mom is right. Its not the most tactful to tell your mother to cancel a party for your baby, citing medical and health reasons. Then blow that to the 4 winds, and go to a strangers party. if you caught wind of this, most likely MIL did too. Sounds like they do what FIL say because they are under his roof. If you want to stay part of their lives. I suggest not saying anything and let it sort itself out.

Let it go. It sucks, but it's their baby, their choice. I would stay out of it.

I go by: if you have to ask whether to say something or not, you probably shouldn't say anything.
Your BIL's decisions and his relationship to his mother are NONE of your business, nor is HIS child's relationship with the grandparents.
The only thing that will happen if you say anything is that he will get defensive and quite possible upset at you, deepening any rifts that already exist between your in laws.
Good luck!

wow, so so frustrating. i understand. especially when it seems the "other side" has gotten to him....we have some of that in our family.

all you can do is rise above. no, i wouldn't say anything. what would it do besides cause problems?

but i would go ahead and set a date for the "around Thanksgiving" party (maybe a week or so before thanksgiving?) and start plans.

Don't say anything. What good could possibly come from it? It will just create more drama.

I agree with other posters. Not a good idea to say anything. Your MIL is a grown woman and can handle the situation on her own without your intervention.

I say mind your own business. Don't create MORE family drama.

You say nothing to your brother-in-law and don't get involved. It's their choice on whether or not to bring the baby to visit your mother-in-law with the baby and when/if to reschedule. It's between your BIL and MIL. You really don't want to be their go-between.

If you tell your MIL, she will tell people and someone will tell them.
Then they will get defensive and maybe cancel Thanksgiving.
Leave it alone.

Wow, do you remember back when you had a newborn? Were you tired as hell and hormonal? How would you feel if someone in the family called you up and starting making demands about things that you had to do with YOUR baby?

Yeah...didn't think that one would go over too well....

Stay out of it! It's none of your business.

Mind your own business. This is not your call. Your opinion differs from theirs and you need to accept this & move on. You CANNOT force others to do things because you think they should. Why do you care whose influencing who? Why are you analyzing everything & everyone so much? Aren't you busy with that little thing called "life"?

Maybe they're not ready for a party in which they, and the baby will be the only centers of attention. You don't know how they feel, or why they're doing what they're doing. The baby doesn't care & won't know the difference if they wait 6 months, even, to do a "meet the baby" party.

It sounds like you are too invested in something that has ZERO to do with you. If people would worry about themselves instead of everyone else and what they're doing, this world would have a lot less drama and a lot more happiness. P.S. stay off of FB. This is exactly the reason why I dislike FB so much.

I'll play devil's advocate - there's a difference between taking a baby out shopping and to a party where the baby is relatively cocooned in the comfort and safety of his little carrier thing and taking the baby to a party where he is the sole guest of honor among family who will obviously expect to be able to hold him and give him hugs and kisses etc. Do you know for a fact that they were playing "pass the baby" at this other gathering? Is it possible that they were able to set a "look but don't touch" policy while there and stick to it?

When my youngest was 2 days old (born on Thursday, home on Friday, out on Saturday) we took him to a "Back from Iraq" party for a friend's husband that had more than 50 guests. I was able to take him and not worry about it because he was asleep in his car seat the whole time and I wouldn't let anyone touch him. I wouldn't have taken him to a family gathering that young though because people would have expected to hold him.

Would I have taken out a preemie as early as your ILs? No, but I can kind of see the logic if the party he went to was more hands off than a family gathering would be. In any case, it's not your place to say anything.

I would not say a word. Let things be! Not your decision really.

i say stay out of it. agree with other ppl on there. it will create more drama and really it isnt your battle to fight. sorry.

:(. That's really sad.

My younger sister is kind of the same. She was quick to do Thanksgiving in her tiny apartment alone last year when the rest of us were gathered at my house. It was plain odd. Just her, her fiance, and my niece...when the entire rest of the family was at one place. I don't get that. We were raised as a close family (military) and you never pass up family time. I told her it was screwed up, but it didn't change anything. She will always be that way...so she will miss out on things and so will my niece, but it is what it is, I guess.

If you feel like you can say something, go for it. If you think it will just cause problems, I'd just stay out of it. But I'm in a very similar situation as you and I think it's horrible for people to act that way.

I'm torn. I do agree that it was a bit mean to say that they couldn't come see the MIL for a party and then took the baby to another party. I think that they should've kept the baby home from that as well. Preemies are so fragile. Do they need some exposure to the outside world? Yes. Keeping the baby home for a few weeks, esp. as cold and flu season are kicking in makes sense too.

This is probably best left between your inlaws.

don't say anything...really in the big scope of things no difference between having it now and a six weeks from now. Give the new mom a break. Baby will be even cutier in 6 weeks. More alert and active.