Sleepless Nights!!! - Nevada,MO

Hey A.,
That has to be super hard! I agree that it is the best thing if you just be in the room and it will be hard to do but don't say anything to him just be in the room. Avoid eye contact and if he gets out of bed just pick him up carefully and place him back in his bed. If he throws up just have some extra bedding right by you and clean it up real quick and put him back without saying anything to him and do not look at him if he passes out just be next to him his senses will take hold and make him breath again and he will be okay. Just keep doing that it will be hard for the first couple of times but if you keep to it he will finally stop and will see that you aren't going to give in to his fits anymore but that you do love him. Good luck with everything!!!

I went through almost the same thing with my oldest son, and we came up with the best solution we could think of. Many may disagree and say that they should learn how to sleep in their own bed in their own room, but for us exhausted mothers it just isn't that simple. We finally put a cot in our room, next to our bed. We told him that he was just too big to sleep in bed with us, and we weren't able to get any sleep which we needed in order to take good care of him. So he slept on the cot next to us, and we all got a good night sleep. It was nice, because if we had company or needed the space, we could just fold up the cot and set it aside. Now, the flip side of that is that he is now 9 yrs. old, and although he always starts in his own bed, he creeps into our room almost every night and finds a spot on our floor. It doesn't disrupt our sleep, but I felt that surely he'd be able to sleep in his own room by now. I'm aiming for 15. :)

A.,
First of all, I applaud you for being able to work, be a single mama, and not get any sleep!
If I had a 2 year old that was not sleeping all night, I would first check what was going on with him during the day. Is he being neglected,or spanked? This could be his way of getting the kind of attention he is lacking therefore, needing to be near you. Sounds to me that he is waking up frighten wanting his comfort zone to be near him. I would definitely do some spying during the day!!!

I can sympathise with you-- my daughter is 5 and STILL gets up every single night. We just let her get quietly in bed with us. I think she was about 2.5 or 3 when we made a "special bed" for her on our floor. She was allowed to come in without waking us and sleep on her special bed. We made it kind of a big deal and practiced exactly what she would do in the night (have him lay down & coach him to go QUIETLY into your room & lay on his special bed). You could make a rule that as long as he is quiet and doesn't wake you up, he's allowed to come in and sleep on the floor, but if he wakes you up, you will take him back to his room and sleep with him there (or you can give him a choice as to which he'd want to do-- special bed or lay with you in his room. Kids love having choices. Just make sure you like either choice you give him).

This could just be a temporary solution until you get enough sleep that you feel you can take on the task of walking him back to his bedroom at night.

Also, for a while, our daughter DID sleep all night in her bed and I think it was because I didn't lay in bed with her while she fell asleep. I told her early one evening that "tonight, I'm going to read my magazine on the floor while you fall asleep. There will be no talking after the light goes out." I got a book light & sat on the floor by her door & read my magazine-- this helped me be patient while she fell asleep, which sometimes took a while. Yes, she tested the "no talking" rule and she didn't accept that I was going to sit by the door right away. So when we were first trying this, if reminding her there was "no talking" didn't work, I would compromise if she protested-- I'd say "one more question" or "I'm going to read my magazine for 1 minute and then I'll come lay by you"-- but I always started out with sitting on the floor & allowing no talking (and I'd let her know I was going to leave the room if she talked after her "one question." And I WOULD leave the room for a minute or two. Then I'd come back in and say I was going to read my magazine for one minute and if she was quiet, I'd lay down with her). After all this give and take, I eventually didn't have to shush her or tell her I'd lay with her, and the time it took for her to fall asleep got shorter & shorter.

Eventually, she started falling asleep in about 5 min & she would sleep through the night. I think just being used to being in the bed by herself helped her to fall back asleep by herself if she woke briefly. (Long story short, we now have an 18mo & I lay in bed with both until the 18mo falls asleep--usually after the 5yo. So now the 5yo is back to waking in the night.)

Another solution-- have you thought of getting a big bed for your 2- & 8-yo to share? Of course, you'd want to make sure this is ok with the 8yo. If they get along well, this might help. Good luck! Just do what you need to do to get some rest for now, and if that doesn't work for you long term, try something else after you've gotten some rest!

I am 37 and my brother is 6 years younger than me. My brother used to do the same thing your son is doing to my mom and she found a solution, by accident, and it worked. The Cabbabe Patch Kids were just coming out in the stores and we went shopping for one and lo & behold because I got one my brother was looking at them also but dolls were for girls, of course, so he wasn't asking for one. My mom bought a boy, "Harvey Tony" was his name, for herself. When it got to be bedtime that night, my brother went and took Harvey off of her bed and without even hardly a word he gave kisses/hugs and went to bed all by himself. We were all amazed!!! You may try a similar way but make sure that he goes with you when you purchase Elmo or Diego or whoever he is in to and put it on your bed and maybe it will work to your advantage. There are smoother days ahead! Another thing I have heard that helps people in general rest better is to put a clock in their bedroom. I've heard that the constant ticking has something to do with the subconscious and eases your mind when you sleep. Might be worth a try. Restful nights are ahead...I'm sure of it!! Remember that the good Lord doesn't give you more than you can handle! Wishing you the best.........H. R in Missouri

I wish I could give you better advice. I had Babies like that. I tried the Furber Method on my first but quicky decided that was not working for her or me (after 2 1/2 hours of constant crying). Anyway, I began co-sleeping. Maybe your little one is needing more security...and once you have established this new routine he will settle in and let you both sleep. And there are lots of studies suggesting that children goiven attention and security when they are young, become very independent children vs. the other option of letting them "cry it out". I can say my two have become very secure and independent...and this difficult time for you will pass.
Good Luck.:)

I suggest cutting out tv time before bed. Even if it seems to be quite time, it can stimulate little minds & make it hard to sleep. Try replacing tv time with book time, but make sure the books aren't too. Try "Good Night Moon" or "Big Red Barn". They are great bed time books. As we read them, I get quieter as the characters are getting ready for bed until they go to sleep. Then my son lays down & goes to sleep. You might try sitting with both boyz and have your 8 y/o read to the 2y/o. Good luck!

Hi A.,

I feel your pain. My two year old just started this same thing. He was sleeping through the night fine for quite awhile, then we moved and all hell broke loose. We have tried ignoring him and letting him cry endlessly, but that is just not a solution we are willing to live with. It is too hard on him and on us as we listen to him. It is heartbreaking. So, I am trying (and it is working so far) this thing I read on the internet. Here is the website page: http://yourparentingsolutions.com/toddler-learn-to-sleep-.... It is less about discipline and more about teaching your kid to sleep. I was sleeping in bed with mine at first, and I think that is what really got the process in full swing. Everytime he woke up, he was looking for me and he was going to find me no matter what! We are on night three, and I no longer get in bed with him. I also stop telling stories or singing songs once he lays down. The idea is to make myself uninteresting to him once he goes to bed.

Anyway, hope it helps. We have definately seen an improvement already, but of course, every kid is different. And lord knows 2 year olds are a creature unto themselves!!!

Good, good luck to you.....D.

You just bought back very vivid memories. My oldest, now 23 years old, threw up often and passed out when upset. It's scary, frustrating and yes, she was nearly 3 years old before she slept through the night.

My daughter proved to be a very sensitive person, still is. She's always been healthy in the important ways but not healthy in the stress induced illness ways. I wish I had good advice to give. Do your best and try not to get too emotionally and physically wiped out. I don't know why some people are this way. She was my first as I said and I had zero experience with kids before her. I've cared for hundreds of babies through the years and she's the only one that was quite that difficult but I've had a few more a long the way that were similar and some almost as bad. I really believe it's emotional and maybe your pediatrician can help.

Suzi

Could you let your 8 yr old share a room with you until your 2 yr old learns to sleep through the night? Children have to learn at some point how to soothe themselves back to sleep. He is depending on you for that right now. A special blankie or animal can be helpful in this transition. You can still lay down and read a book with him, but then leave before he goes to sleep so he can learn how to do that by himself. It will be painful for a while, but know that you are giving him the best gift you can and you both will get your rest.

Hi A.!!!

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My son had GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease) and would throw up anything whenever he cried. He refused to go to sleep in his own bed until he was around 3. Don't wait until he's 3! LOL. He would fuss and cry because he wanted to sleep with me, then he would throw up in his bed if he couldn't, cry some more and sometimes dry heave because he didn't have anything else to throw up. Then go to sleep (pass out like your son). What worked for me was not simple by any means. I had to wash a lot of sheets and it was very frustrating for me to work with him as a single mom with another son in his room trying to sleep while he acted this way. So, I read in a magazine of an awesome example that worked a little better. I would sit on the floor next to his bed and rub his back to soothe him until he quieted down. (keep a bucket nearby just in case:) When he would look like he went to sleep, I would back up a little bit from the bed. He would open his eyes and start to cry again as if he knew I was leaving (go for the bucket!). But I was still close enough to pat his back until he went back to sleep. Then I would scoot back some more. It may be different for your son and your time for yourself. Try sitting next to the bed and rubbing his back for a couple of days. then each night start to sit closer and closer to the door so he can still see you (take a book or something for you to do while you sit if necessary to help the time pass so it won't be idle time for you). It took me 2 weeks to finally wean him from my bed but it was well worth it. We still have lapses when he wakes everyone up in the middle of the night but for the most part, this is when I make him go to the potty, then lay him back down. I always keep the door open with the hallway light on to help his comfort levels. He might be waking up throughout the night because he has to use the bathroom or is already wet from that drink he fusses out of you earlier. Get rid of that and he might sleep a little longer.

I wish you the best because I know how it feels to be a sleep deprived single mommy and want time to yourself. He'll get it together. Just be patient, consistent and firm. He'll get the picture. DON'T GIVE IN! Once you do this, he will think he can do anything to get you to give in. Good luck!

After 3 months of age, my daughter would do the same thing-cry until she threw up when we tried to make her cry it out in her own room. I moved her into my bed.

That was 1 1/2 years ago. She is now two, and sleeps in her crib right next to my bed. This has a transition from sleeping next to me in my bed.

Last week we went to the store and happened to see some Tinkerbell pillows - which she was convinced she had to have! It was a blessing in disguise- she now goes willingly into her own crib at night to "see Tinkerbell!"

I would suggest that you put toys and special pillows in his crib and he only gets to see them when he goes to bed. I also bought my daughter a small battery operated lantern and we keep it in her crib. As part of the evening routine I turn all the lights out and she carries her lantern to bed. She really likes that- it makes bedtime less of an isolating punishment, and more of a warm, fuzzy time. When she in sinding down in her crib and relzaxing before she falls asleep she picks up the lantern and uses it to look at her Tinkerbell pillows. It gives her a small degree of control over how dark it gets in the bedroom without my relinquishing the control over when she goes to bed.

Good luck!

I'm sorry that I can't offer you advice...just sympathy. My two year old (his birthday is today!) is waking up from one to three or more times a night and even though I am married, I might as well be single because I'm the only one that gets up. Usually all he needs is his pacifier put back in his mouth, other times he's cold or wants to nurse. Regardless of the reason, the more times I get up the more I resent him (and his dad who sleeps through it all)! My only consolation is that most likely he will eventually grow out of this...and then again, he may not. I'm with ya sister! We also have a routine but in all his years that has not made one iota of difference.

A. - I highly recommend the book "Sleeping Through the Night." It really, really helped us with both of our boys to go to bed and stay there all night. It's very good and I think it might be just the thing you need. Good luck! - T.

Hi A.! I am M., I have a three year old daughter, Lucy, and I am pregnant with our next one right now. I was reading your message and I knew exactly what was going on when I read, "...I lay down with him in his bed tell he goes off to sleep..." I had this problem with Lucy when she was a new baby and our wonderful pediatrician explained that a baby, through age 2, will have somewhat of an anxiety attack if they fall asleep in one place and wake up in another. Now, I know he is in the same place but if you are there when he falls asleep and he wakes up and you are gone, I am thinking that he is extremely stressed out about your absence when he awakes. Our doctor told us that they have to "self soothe" in their sleep environment and learn to fall asleep alone and wake up alone, OR, fall asleep with you and wake up with you. You may want to try one or the other, I am not sure what your views on co-sleeping are. We chose to let her sleep by herself and wake up by herself, making sure that if we rock her we put her in the crib/bed before she actually drifts off. Good luck, I hope this advice helps!!!

A.,
oh gosh, what a night. The throwing up and passing out is all a behavior used to control you. How do you react to it? Next time he does this stand by for safety, and say nothing and do nothing. If he starts to fall, just catch him and put him down where ever it happens. If he throws fits in public, if he don't already do this he might start, if he thinks it gets him what he wants. Maybe try not getting in bed with him and warn him that morning and remind him later, mommy is not getting in your bed. I will read a short story and then you must be quite. this will not work the first time, this is a trial, he will test you til you stop giving him what he wants. When you lay with him , he throws his fit and gets a cup. no he should not get his cup, warn him of this before he goes to bed, he will still throw a fit. Ignore it. If he screams and acts like he will throw up, or fall, just for safety, be there for safety only,DON'T give him what he wants, ever. He is controlling you. Ask your 8 year old if he'd like to sleep on the couch, until brother stops waking him up. Now, if 2 year old cries for brother, tell him brother can't sleep in here until you stop screaming, you must sleep. Oh my, this could take forever, and you will come across different tactics, remember, don't give in to throwing up, be calm , put right back calm, until it all stops. Don't give up, he might try new behaviors when the old ones don't work anymore, just ignore it again, this will be hard to do, but reinforcing it by giving in, it will never stop. Read others advice, everyone has ways that work for them. good luck. Get the book, how to discipline without spanking or shouting. There are more books out there, the book retailers know which ones they are.
D. e.

I totally agree with Darlene. My son used to do the same thing to my mother when we lived there. He had to sleep with her and she hated me for telling him he couldn't anymore. It took quite a while to break him of that. It's simply that he wants your attention. Unfortunately, when we're single parents we forget how important time at the park is, pushing them in the swing and playing. We get caught up in our job and making money to make ends meet. He misses you and the only way to fix it is to lay down the rules, but give him attention in other ways. On days I was off we would go to the park and I would chase him everywhere til we were both exhausted, then go to Mcdonald's grab a happy meal and go home. We would both sleep good those nights. Give it a shot, but you do need to break the sleeping with you thing.