What Did This Man Mean When He Said This?

I think it doesn't matter what he meant...does the clerk really care the opinion of a 69 year old regular? Just saying...

I think you are over analyzing and making a 'mountain out of a mole hill', so to speak.

Un-necessary drama...ick!

It sounds like something my Dad (77) would have said. He loves to flirt with anyone, especially younger women.

We can only ever take someone's words at face value. Anything else we "think" they meant is just us making up stuff. She had to have "partied" at least three times to have three kids, right?. Why get upset about an older man trying to make conversation. Chill.

I think the clerk shared too much info with the old man. She should have just smiled and went about her business.

I must be old school because I think that since she was at work - she should be polite and courteous regardless of what her customers say.

That being said, I think the old man was teasing her and trying get her to smile. The clerk was probably in a bad mood and the old man could see it.

My motto: Don't take anything personally. Deepak Chopra says, if someone gives you a compliment, you can choose to be flattered or not. Likewise, if they try to insult you, the response/reaction is also YOUR choice.

That said, I agree with most of the top posts I read - especially Sue's. I know quite a few old geezers (most of them over 75) at church who still just wanna know they've got game and will try to flirt with any and anyone who will entertain their foolishness. Its the old (and I do mean OLD) ego check.

Sounds like a lot of old(er) men I know. Particularly those who were young men between 1920 & 1940. There's a conversational style, a kind of bantering that is common from that era that is completely gone in most parts of the country these days... but you can hear it in any Rat Pack or Ginger Rogers movie, or even a bit in modern "era" movies like 'Band of Brothers'... but mostly, I hear it out of the mouths of men in their 70's-90's.

If you can fall into the banter with them, you can keep up a conversation that lasts for days and spans every subject known to man. It's a very formal but causal style that can pick up and drop off at any point in it. Kind of like verbal dancing. Or sparring. But it's very "formalized". Where even though the subject matter is very personal at times, it's meant superficially... a series of "open doors" for the responder to be able to banter back, or reminisce.

I absolutely LOVE these conversations with old(er) men. It's like they're inviting you to wrap them around your little finger. It's a kind of charm that is almost inimitable. But it definitely follows the rules of an entirely different era.

ADDED PER YOUR ADD:

Nope. Not at all. I think he was opening the door to be talking about dancing and music and getting in trouble or getting away with it. Happy pursuits from bygone days.

Ugh, sounds like my stepfather, he stumbles into conversations like this and thinks he is charming.. I think he is a bore and an old fart..

I cringe and just give him a blank face. I used to tell him he was rude, but I realized he has no social graces, because he grew up a long time ago and this is what "his people" thought was funny.

I have also been in retail for over 35 years and you run into these men, who really do believe they are charming.. I just ignore this type of comment and do not read into it, because I figure at least I am not related to them..

no, he was just saying the way to get pregnant is fun, and he was saying it in a teasing way to get a rise out of her.

I see it this way.. we can find things WE choose to find in every comment..
if you think he was calling her a slut, then yes. he was calling her a slut.. if you think he was joking and simply looking to get under her skin then yes, he was doing that.. if you think that his opinion really shouldn't matter and in the bigger scheme of things it doesn't , then it doesn't.. it's all perspective..

Clerk "you trying to live vicariously through me gramps?"
THat's probably what I would have said! I don't think he was calling her a slut....I am having my third and definitely not a slut! The conversation you posted doesn't say anything about single parenthood or her being on her own. (not that those women are sluts either!!! I was a single mama too!) Sounds like gramps is a joker that sometimes takes the joke a bit too far.
L.

I had to check the city and make sure it wasn't my husband. I think he was just teasing. I agree it's not very funny but he's probably trying to be funny hoping to get a smile from her. Or as I tell my husband - you know they think you are just some weird old man, right?

No I do NOT think he was calling her a slut. Possibly it has to do with his age and generation (maybe not) but he just thinks he is being funny. My Dad is in his 90's and he embarrasses me constantly. They think stupid sexual jokes are funny. Have you ever seen Mad Men? They lived this, and some have not evolved.

However, it is inappropriate and if it angers the clerk she has a right to tell him so. I tell my Dad so on occasion. Mostly I let it go. Many people find it funny......and in those cases it isn't hurting anything..... just annoying me.

You said he enjoys teasing and getting a rise out of people. Don't you think that's what he was doing?

No, I don't. I think he was joking about how she got pregnant but not necessarily calling her anything.

I think he's a Grocho Marx wanna be.
Once he got famous, Grocho would get very upset because sometimes he WANTED to insult people but they would always laugh at him thinking he was just being funny.
If this old guy likes to get a rise out of people, he achieved his purpose.
Next time the clerk should just act like it was an innocent out dated joke and be sweet to him.
It'll probably drive the old buzzard nuts.

Im sure he was trying to be funny- old man humor. Many things that older people say are no longer "appropriate" for our generation to say. Sounds like it was all in fun

One of my favorite quotes..."Sometimes we look so hard for something, we find it where it is not."

Just from the written words and the background you have provided... I read this as him trying to make light conversation and her response was anything but light (I interpret it as, you are not funny, I'm tired, grumpy and possibly looking for sympathy). The clerks response may have thrown him for a loop if he was looking to make light conversation (and actually connect with her) so he may have tried to continue the banter with the first thing that came to mind.

I have so many encounters with clerks who seem so unhappy at their jobs and treat the customer like an inconvenience that sometimes I try to open a conversation (short) with them just to let them know that I recognize them as a fellow human being.

It seems that the clerks who connect and banter with their customers are far happier with their jobs - maybe he is just trying to lighten things up.

No way, I don't think he was calling her a slut. I would have laughed! He's just a funny older guy. He may be inappropriate but still witty.

Sounds like the older men around here. No, I don't think he was calling her a slut. I think he was actually trying to flirt with her in his own little way. Remember there is a significant age difference. Things were said and done differently back when the man was "her age". You have to take that in to consideration as well.

Ishy! = )

I would have to operate under the assumption he thought he was being funny and that though what he said might feel ishy, he didn't mean it maliciously. Agree with a previous poster, that he may just have been saying, that the activity that leads to children is a fun one.

If this had been said to me and if I wasn't worried about what my boss might say to me, this ishy man might have gotten a really snappy come-back. The least snappy of which might have been, "Do you kiss you mother (or granddaughter) with that mouth?"

I think he was trying to be "funny", but some people are just plain stupid. And some guys think that kind of "humor" is funny.

As the saying goes, "Stupid is as stupid does."

Totally inappropriate, maybe, but I didn't take it as him calling her a slut.
Actually, I thought it was kind of funny; maybe he was trying to joke?

As none of us were there to see facial expressions or hear tones of voice, we don't really get the nuance of the moment, which is important to interpretations like this. But I have to say-- This sounds like something my grandfather would have said when he was alive, going to get coffee at his favorite place with the wooden coffee tokens some businesses used to use back in the day. He had a rougher way of joking, but consider the life experiences of older folks, too. My grandpa had worked in a saw mill, been a soldier in WW2 and just plain labored through some of the hardest times. His sense of humor was informed through a lot of hard times, and keeping a grin up in the worst of it.

All that to say: sometimes we very ready to take offense at things that aren't meant offensively, but just as playful ribbing. (Now, if she'd had 3 kids from 3 different guys and the whole town knew about it or something... that would be different. But it sounds like this was't the case, as he seemed ignorant of her situation. And this doesn't qualify her as a slut, either. I've got family in that same situation, and it's just life, not 'being a slut'. ) Just my opinion, but there are far bigger things in life to be offended by....

And now that he's really gotten a rise out of her, she can expect to get more attention from him.

I don't think he was calling her that, but implying. True he shouldn't have said that and I'm glad that someone stood up to him.

You don't say what her marital status is, but being married to a 'good man' wouldn't mean that her life would be any easier. She'd just have one more mouth to see fed, clothes to wash, and someone to check with before making decisions. I've been married for 13y, and while the double income means that we can afford some things that we couldn't on one income doesn't mean that money isn't tight. Especially when we were both laid off last year.

To me most women are stronger in that type of living situation then men. Most men when faced with supporting 3 kids and an elder alone would bale.

M.

What an odd question.
Well, from the information given (He is a customer there daily and is known for his teasing and enjoys "getting a rise" out of people.) then no, I don't think he was calling her a "slut."

This man reminds me of my husband....he loves to "tease" and I can just hear him saying "Well you must have partied at least THREE times" (wink wink). I worry that some of the people he talks to this way may not take it the right way but I have given up trying to convince him to change his ways. His heart is in the right place...he is just "teasing"....and doesn't mean a thing by it...I am somehow sure that is what this man meant. If he is a daily customer...he knows the clerk and was probably just trying to lighten her mood or give her a laugh. Too bad it fell flat.

He was trying to be funny.

Mattering on the tone, he called you a slut or he was flirting.

I would like to assume it was flirt... but I always assume guys flirt.

.

well who knows what he meant but either way it was very rude.

I don't think he was calling her a slut-he was definitely innapropriate and shouldn't have said any of those comments-but I think he was joking about her having sex to get 3 kids. He was completely wrong to say any of it though--

M

who knows but I would assume he was ribbing her because he was bored and needed something to do but it also sounds like she is used to his ribbing and knows how to tell him to stop.

I think Riley's answer is dead on. I don't know how old you are, but perhaps you've never been around many men from that era. There is most definitely a banter that takes place with men of that age group - think Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, Band of Brothers or Grumpy Old Men. There is a very smart kind of sarcasm that these men emit when having these kinds of conversations.

Do I think he was calling her a slut? No, not at all. I think he was trying to make her laugh and joke with someone who was obviously having a bad day. I think you are reading WAY too much into this. If he wanted to call her a slut, he would have called her a slut. Ask yourself, why would a man just walk up to someone out of the blue and try to incenuate that kind of thing about someone they don't know from Adam?

Was it the best choice of words for him to say that to her? The sad reality is that in this day of overly sensitive political correctness, it probably wasn't. While joking and sarcasm may have been OK in the 40's and 50's, it usually does not fly in this day and age because we risk offending someone.

He probably thinks he is being funny but I would be annoyed with him.

If it were me I would start a planned conversation with him about his career and what he did with his life and just work our way around to bringing up/working her way around to what ever her story is.

I thought of a good story but I don't know what her's would actually be:

I was married and working full time and was a college student with straight A's and then woke up one morning getting a divorce. My sister has drug issues and I love my grandpa with all my heart and couldn't let them take him to the nursing home. So I gave up my bedroom to him and the kids have the other one, I sleep on the couch. So that's why I looked tired the other day, I just couldn't get to sleep that night before.

I don't think it was appropriate, but I don't think he was calling her a slut. I think he was just making a ribald joke that would have been better left unsaid. Some people like that kind of humor. I was shopping for a cute onesie for my daughter before Christmas, and I came across one that said, "I am proof that my mother puts out." OMG. I was shocked. Who would put that slogan on their beautiful baby? But some people obviously think that's funny or they wouldn't sell. I suspect this old man is that type.

The way I would take it is like he was saying "you had fun making the kids, now you have to pay the price". He may have been thinking slut, now sure, but either way he was out of line.

It is unfortunately the usual sexual harrassment that women endure. She should not have engaged in any conversation with him. When he said the first thing about partying she should have known where it was going and not responded to him with all of that personal info.
Why do you ask?

Wow that could be taken a few ways. My first thought, which obviously was hers and yours, was that she was a slut and got three kids by partying. He could have also meant it as though she partied so hard that she woke up and there were three kids in her house. The other way was that he was just trying to get a rise out of her and it came out wrong. I would have been insulted as well. If he's a regular maybe he'll come back and let her know that he didn't mean it the way she took it and it came out wrong.

He was just a Rude man, who needs to think before he speaks!!
There a jerks everywhere. They need an island specifically for jerks,
where we can ship them off!

I work with mostly men. I would have to say, yes he did. Old men do not think before they open their mouths. I would ignore him or "get a rise" out of him. I am sure he has told things about himself that could be used "against" him. For some reason they like to banter back and forth. I have a few customers that I keep a few "insults" for special occassions. If they dish it out, hand it back.

Maybe he's right and she didn't like that he spoke the truth so bluntly.

I think he was joking, but I did not hear the tone in his voice. But it sounds like he was saying it like she woke up that morning with three kids so she must have really partied that night, not that she partied a lot in her youth and got pregnant three times as a result. I would think that he was trying to make a joke and didn't pull it off. Either way, I would just take it as a joke, especially if he was a regular and bit of a jokester.