Why Cant It Be Differnt???

I can tell you I am almost 30 and still need my parents (who are passed away). I am not a baby anymore but I have always felt I needed them, right up till the day they died, and many days after. Is there anyway you can see your son without your ex-husband being present? I think it might be a better situation (probably not at first because your son will have to get used to the adjustment, and especially cause he's a hormonal teenager). I hope your situation gets better. Good Luck and don't give up!

this is a tough one and the answer I would like to contribute is really tough:

You don't have many ways in which you can parent him. Maybe one way you can, and do this with loving intent, is to show him the consequences of his behavior.

If your son treats women this way, that is, if he thinks for an instant that he can get away with it, he'll lose his future family, too. So it might be time for some tough love.

If he treats you that way, disrespects you, say firmly, "Son, I am your mother and I will love you no matter what. But no one deserves to be treated this way and I will not tolerate it. Call me when you're ready to act like a responsible, decent man. Until then, I'll still love you but I won't hang around you." Then get up and leave. Of course, this is complicated by the presence of your daughter, but she also needs this example. If the visitation is not court ordered, I'd take her and leave. Or I would discuss it with her before hand and ask her if she'd like to stay and finsih dinner or leave with you. Leave it up to her. Sooner or later she'll probably up and walk out, too, and on that day you will know that she's not going to let anyone trample over her, either.

Hugs to you. You're a good mama.

Calmly state to him that he is verbally abusive and his behavior is NOT normal. He might be shocked to hear it & will probably not react well to the truth. Then don't give him any reaction and especially don't give him tears. Look into your son's eyes and tell him I hope you can become a better person than that. Look into your daughter's eyes and tell her never to allow any man to treat her that way. Tell the kids that in his presense so they all see that you can stand up for yourself and that you are not being hateful, just factual. I would think it best if you have your new husband with you on your next encounter with him as he might not be as prone to start with the insults. If he does involve third-parties. Think of a person(s) that he would not want to see his behavior. Expose his actions to others. He should be ashamed. By doing this you will be taking away some of his power. Google and read about anger issues if you haven't. I'm sure it will be enlightening. I once confronted a person with anger issues using print outs of the symptoms and I wrote down examples pertaining to that person next to each symptom. Of course he just got angry but later thought about it and eventually really changed. He might not change but hopefully will learn not to pick on you. You're kids will eventually see who is the problem and who isn't.

Teenage boys are tough. They think they know it all and they don't need their mom anymore but the fact that they still act that way tells you that just because they are almost full-sized now, they still have a lot more emotional maturing to do. And the fact that your ex doesn't have a healthy respect for women (it's not just you Honeybaby; any man who thinks it's okay to berate a woman in front of others, especially her own children, doesn't like or respect women -- IMHO), is definitely a bad influence on your son.

Unfortunately, you can't control others but you can control what you chose to tolerate. What I have had to do a number of times in the past with men who have acted bratty with me is, when they are just starting their tirade or have said something disrespectful to me, I look them straight in the eye and tell them in a calm, cool voice, "You are not allowed to talk to me like that. If you don't stop, this conversation is over." Most of the time, because these men are self-righteous windbags, they don't know enough to stop after the first warning, so at that point, I will tell them again, "You are not not allowed to talk that way to me," and I get up and walk off -- conversation over. I do not engage in any bickering with them, I do not lose my cool (not in front of them at least), and I do not try to explain to them why they were wrong to say what they said. Most of the time these men will usually apologize -- they may need a cooling off period before they come to their senses -- but by that time, they definitely get that you are a tough chick who will not be berated or walked over. Unfortunately, you will probably have to do this a lot with your son and your ex because that's just how they are and old habits die hard, but if you treat yourself with respect and demand that from others, then they are more likely to treat you with respect as well -- after a sufficient amount of apologizing of course.

I hope this help. Stand tall, be strong, and just know that it is up to you to set an example for your daughter and son what a strong, proud woman is all about. Best of luck.

It is what it is. You can only control yourself and what you do. If what you are currently doing is not effective, then find a way to adapt.

Your ex husband knows that it bothers you, that is why he does it. It is likely he is insecure and obvious he is unhappy if he is behaving in that manner. He is the strongest example your son has and that is likely why your son is behaving that way.

Is it possible for you two to swap your kids for the day, to give each child quality time with the other parent?

Here is something that is very difficult. Be supportive. Let your children know you love them. Do not return tit for tat with your ex or speak poorly of him in their presence. Children will catch on. Your ex husband's actions will come back and bite him in the arse.

I'm so sorry. I would suggest you NOT cut off ties with your son. All teens go through a difficult time. Your son is no different, but he has the crude influence of your ex. He probably feels resentful and abandoned.......whether reality or not. He is angry.

Can you visit him without your ex? Do your best not to be mad when your son does these things. Anger fuels the fire. Sadly look at him and tell him how you feel. Be honest. Tell him if his goal was to hurt your feelings then he met his goal and that makes you sad. Tell him you don't have all the answers and you wish things were different. Tell him you are frustrated, but also tell him no matter what, you will love him. If you have to get up and leave do, but make it a last resort and don't leave angry. Just leave.

Don't believe your son. He still needs you. I believe you should keep in touch. He is angry and someday you can hope he will mature and let go of some of that anger, but it will be harder if you reject him. He probably has low esteem. If his father talks to you this way then you can bet he also belittles his son.

I do agree you need to protect yourself and there will be times you have to walk away, but always let him know why without anger, and remind him you love him.

i think that your son is acting that way because he see's that his dad is doing it, even if he is 15 years old, i am sure your husband trash talks you in the presence of your son while they are at home, and no one is there to take your side, so he thinks its ok, maybe having dinner together isn't such a good idea, maybe talking on the phone for a bit may help, or having someone else present during the visitations, most people who are control freaks tend to do it only when they are in the privacy of the home or when they think no one else will notice, whatever you do keep in touch with your son, though he may think he doesn't need you he really does, you seem to be trying your best to be a great mom in a tough situation GOOD LUCK!

Hi there,

You don't have to put up with this. It is your X that has a problem, not you. A little reading on psychology and anthropology would help you understand the behaviors of others a bit better. It would also help you understand that you can't fix these people, they have to fix their own problems. It is within themselves.

It is unfortunate that your son has been corrupted by the X, but he has. He has grown with the same superior attitude that the X has and it won't change until he is better able to understand the whole picture of life.

What I would do is hit the ignore button when that nonsense goes on. Once they know you can't be bothered with this, they will probably ease off. They both know how much this hurts you and so it becomes some sort of entertainment to them, a game. When it starts, you just have to excuse yourself and walk off! Go to the restroom, go make a phone call, or leave. If you have to, leave the money for your dinner and politely say good night.

As for the son, you may have to step away for a bit and just let him know you love him but his attitude and disrespect with you is unacceptable. I mean step away, as in cut the visits. That is how I trained my husband and yes I said trained. He would call me and take his bad day out on me and I learned to tell him I have to go back to work...good bye...click. If he called and said you hung up on me, I would say, no I said good bye. The trick is don't get worked up. Then they learn their behavior doesn't affect you like they want it to. Control only works with a little resistance and to have resistance, you must be in their grips.

Best of luck to you.

Its funny (no punn intended) but normally the son will follow your husband and in later yrs. be just like him. I feel sorry for whoever he decides' to hook up with. As for you and his remarks' to you, I know it hurts but don't let him see that. Just tell him your a better person for divorcing him (that should shock him). You know your a great person so don't let him get to you. Obviously hes' not worth it. You are obviously in a wonderful marriage now and it probably just burns him. Eventually your son may come around, I just hope with his attitude that it doesn't get him into trouble, especially at his age. With him not talking to you, I think hes' telling you that he wishes' that he were closer. It may not seem that way but divorce is hard on children regardless of age. Just keep letting him know that you love him, but make sure he is told that you are not going to put up with his attitude, plain and simple. You are his mother and he has to have respect. I have a feeling that you might not be meeting for sometime. Don't take to heart what your ex says to you. Who has someone else, likely not him. Its' not nice to throw something at him, but thats' exactly what I'd say to him. If another time comes that you will all be meeting make it clear to him that your not putting up with him chasticing you, and if it does happen, walk away from the table. I wish you lots of luck, and happiness. Take care!!

Have your tried family counseling? That is where I would start and it sounds like your ex and son really need it. Even though your son is 15, he is still a minor and you are still the parent. He should not be allowed to curse at you like that. DON'T STEP AWAY FROM HIM! You are going to have to stand firm with him and your ex. Tell them you are not going to put up with them talking to you that way anymore. It may shock them and get them to thinking. But just think if you let them continue to be that way with you what it might do to other women that might come into their life! Good luck!