Just a little rant I guess the holidays are coming up and I am always stressed out cause it turns into where are we going and if we don't go here we are going to piss people off and if we want to start our own traditions we are going to piss people off!UGH! My hubbys family all live close by but they never get together other than holidays where as my family all lives elsewhere all I have here are my mom, sister and grandma cause she lives with my mom I do have an aunt close by and she usually comes to holidays but other than that I don't get to see my family.
Just wondering how do you turn the holidays into what we should be celebrating instead of other things??
We did go to his family for their Easter get together and 4th of July last year I hosted Thanksgiving here with both of our families and his family made it very emotional for me they way they did things ok one aunt in particular! I did ask his family to maybe change having the big holidays on the actual day to make it easier on people that have to go to different houses and those of us that have kids now but they do not want to change there ways and I respect that!
I did talk to my hubby and asked if Thanksgiving could be our one Holiday to do every other year and for us to keep our Christmas they way it has been for the past 2 years and we stay home in our pjs all day my mother and step dad come visit the kids in the morning! I hope everybody has a wonderful holiday season!!
Well, you can try starting slow. This year tell everyone you are taking a year off from the usual hubbub and you are staying home for a quiet holiday.
Learn to say no and to care less about other people's opinions.
Sit down together as a family and look at your calender. You can decide on what activities you would like to do as a family, what traditions you will start and when, and if you can squeeze in time for others.
You do not need to give an excuse as to why you can't come to someone's party or event, just tell them you are all very busy, and wish them a happy holidays.
I have posted this on others. Why don't you have an open house for either thanksgiving and/or xmas. From like 11am-3pm. have food set out and just say people can drop by when they can. That leaves the mornings and evenings to do whatever you want! And then its on them to come to your house and you can exchange presents, etc. I don't think we (the ones with kids!!) should feel obligated to drag everyone and everything around to everyone elses family parties. I hope you find something that works! Good luck!
Look ahead, make a plan, stick to it. Example this year it is Thanksgiving w/ my family, Christmas Eve with his, and next year we switch or pick which side you visit on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve (always at the same one). Christmas is ALWAYS home and everyone can visit if they choose. Then everyone knows your plan and they have plenty of time to make their arrangements.
I recommend you google "how to create family memories for the holidays"....
Then be daring, and START your OWN traditions that will have lasting importance to you. It was a little hard to follow all your relatives and who lives with whom and where. But this is your life too and your do not need to appease everyone every holiday. Come up with an amount of time you are willing to waste, I mean, spend, with relatives you are not close to. It can be a meal out, a potluck gathering, a stroll through a beautiful Christmas area of town....then create your own memories with your own children and husband.....
It's hard. I understand your frustration. If we went to everyones house for the holidays that invited us we'd have full days booked running constantly from house to house. It's exhausting. And with little ones they are cranky and tired from lack of naps. We finally decided to rotate thanksgivings to every other year and for Christmas we stay home. It's taken a few years to get it straitened out where we still see family around the holidays, but it's more spaced out. Instead of everyone cramming everyone in on Christmas we get together on New years day and play games and eat good food. Basically we visit only one family on each holiday. Much nicer.
It is very difficult to bite the bullet and just do it, but after you do, you will not regret it! Have a sitdown talk with the hubby and figure out what you guys WANT to do for the holidays, not what you are obligated or guilted into doing. Then discuss it with the kids and get them excited about the plans you both agree on. Then each of you tell your respective families "this is what we are doing this year" and don't back down! Last year we finally did it, and it was WONDERFUL! The kids got to stay in their pajamas all day, play with their toys as much as they wanted to, didn't have to worry about losing pieces at Grandmas house or having cousins break their new toys. It was the first Christmas we have actually come out of not feeling completely exhausted and grumpy at the end of the day. Good luck! You can do it!
My husband and I try to see family, but we have NO problem just staying at home. We just don't feel obligated to do anything. Luckily my parents are understanding and know that we have 3 kids of our own and have our own traditions to make/have. My husband's family is different. They are much larger than my fmaily and it becomes a big thing, but they do not expect us to travel the 24 hour drive it is to come see them. We prefer to do things at our house and have people come in, it is just nicer for us. So many people have this issue though. One of my friends just told me her kids don't really get to trick or treat because they have to visit all of their family on Halloween. WOW! Good luck to you, but try to enjoy it :).
Do some families celebrate the real meaning of the holidays? :0) I would LOVE to visit them and see it for myself.
Here it has always been about FAMILY getting together. At this point, we only see most people twice a year on the holiday. Literally. We never talk except on Thanksgiving and Christmas so obviously we have seperate lives.
Football is on most of the day.
We have started doing the actual holiday at our home alone. First year we insisted on hosting it. Third year we switched the day to the day before the holiday for the family meal.
Now, the fifth year, MIL(the reason we have get togethers at all) is not physically able to do much so she may book a restaurant. She could not allow anyone else to do it without her as she must be in control and must take credit.
I always felt that the holidays were to celebrate family. Yes. each of the winter holidays does have other important elements, differing depending on the faith, but the one common element acrossed the board is family. It can make things stressful, but I try to focus on how much I love everyone, and that makes the stress worth it.
It happens when you learn to say no and spend it with "your own" family at home and let everyone else deal with it.
Maybe make up another day far away from the holidays to spend with family. Maybe a annual family picnic?
But allowing everyone else feelings run your Holiday season is not the answer. You are only doing it because of guilt, not a good condition to have during this special time of the year.
Pull up your big girl pants and set up your boundaries! :)
You can do it. Do it now before the season gets closer and makes it harder for you to do. Doesn't have to be ugly just lovingly firm and don't back down cause if you do it will be that much more harder next time.
Wish you the best,
C.
