Why Do People Do This??? - Reston,VA

I have deleted a couple about my relationship troubles, because my husband will look at my computer, and it could be damaging for my marriage. Otherwise, I don't delete them.

Sometimes I realize what I was saying wasn't what I was saying. In that case I respond in my what happened so that it is clear I am trying to clarify, not change my story.

I think some people get what they need and if it is a touchy subject, all they can take.

In other cases they were looking for an amen sister! and didn't get it. Those cases tick me off. I call it taking their ball and going home. Oh yeah, you taught us, oh, Judy has a jump rope, never mind. :)

I think people have question remorse. Often, people want an affirmation, and they get the opposite. They get mad and show us! There are many more reasons, but the end result is always annoying.

Thanks to Daisymomma for the response!! My opinion is WHO CARES! I think it is up to the individual as to why they delete the question and replace with dots or whatever.
This website goes thru phases. We get some great questions, thought provoking, heart tugging, great momma wisdom. Then we get the silly, bored at home ones. Then throw in a good "troll" every now and then.
You have the daily Momma's that seem to keep things afloat.
It is ever changing. That is what keeps it going.
Take it or leave it, try not to get your panties all wound up.
It is not real life, it's a website. Appreciate it for what it is and if you don't like it, go away.
Blessings!
D.

Well I asked a question earlier today and after much thought deleted it because it wasn't my personal situation but my parents. I just felt that if this ever got back to them, they would feel betrayed because the topic is so personal.
I have never deleted a post before, my first time.
I felt guilty doing it and I'm sorry if I offended anyone in the process. I kept adding info because I was originally trying to use discretion due to the content but felt I needed to add more because people thought I was the one the question was about. If I could repost the question I might of asked something that was more general and edited out all the details.
ETA-Dad on Purpose said it wasn't me thats why I erased my msg to him on this post.

( oops it wasn't daisy mama it was someone responding to her) sorry edit alert edit alert. original--daisymama I am so with you.

Seriously all you Dear Abby's out there, get your own newspaper coloum, If you are that invested in an answer that someone deleting it or adding info to it affects your day that much you really need to get off of mamapedia an spread your wisdom to the entrire world and not just this little corner of cyberspace.

people delete because it's not about you it's about them, and I bet most of the time they do it for privacy,

so long story short In my opinion. the poster "OWNS" the post and the responders contribute but shouldn't be THAT invested in it.

Deleting my post - um no, if people are willing to read it and reply to it I don't see the need to take it down - someone else may be able to use the advice I received later on.

Oh, and I figure if the poster deletes their original post then my answer has most likely been ignored.

Ah, it's almost margarita time !!! Join me?

I have been on MP and previously, mamasource, for a long time. I have never deleted a question, but if I felt it necessary for whatever reason, I would.

I think people should be able to do whatever they want to do with "their" questions. Free country, right? People get to ask whatever they want to ask. People get respond or not. OP is free to take or leave the comments and to delete the question or leave it.

Just as we tell people not to be "over-sensitive" and get all ruffled about the way some people respond, others need to not be so invested in what the OP does with the question.

It's a little bit similar to the loaning money question that appears on this forum frequently. When you give the gifts of your time and your words, you have to give those things freely, hope it somehow helps the OP, and then move on. What the OP does with your gifts, your words, and the question that got it all going, is up to him/her.

There are some people who live in smaller communities or have friends and family on here, and many of the questions deal with very personal issues about those people. Even in the the Las Vegas metro area where I live (more than 1.6 million people), I know people in my community on MP. (JB's response is a perfect example). So, it's clear why some people may have second thoughts after posting, or after they get the answers they need, feel it best to take down the question.

I also think that after a certain point, when someone has received enough responses, they might want to be done with it and receive no further input. I've seen a few like this where there was nothing dramatic or questionable in the responses, but it just seemed like the OP was ready to move on.

There are those who delete questions repeatedly, but really, who cares? Just choose not to answer those people if it is that troubling.

When answering a question, I truly hope what is shared will be helpful in some way, but very often, I will never know. I do believe even when the question gets deleted, in most cases, the OP is left with some things to think about. I don't think my "advice" is any more "listened to or ignored" in a deleted question than when the post is left on the board. Rather, it all depends on how receptive the OP is, and how well I've framed my response in a way that the poster can best "hear" what I'm trying to say.

After that, it's on to the next thing in life.

Just my thoughts on this.

J. F.

lol - i was just thinking something along this same line. OP asks about current situation, only gives the current situation for the basis of her belief.

I answer - then she SLAMS me in the SWH with 10 years of history to add to the current situation. Kinda like asking what is 2 + 2, and then upset when people don't answer 41.

Well you asked 2+2, and then changed it to 12+29.

Some obviously delete for privacy, some just so we won't know that they've asked some oddball or dramatic questions before. Dunno - but when I see someone has deleted LOTS - then I just don't answer.
_____________________________
Daisymomma - totally wasn't you. I understand why you deleted yours. I've deleted a couple of mine for privacy too. :)

I'm with HeatherL P--what's it to ya, really? :P
If you DON'T LIKE it--then DON'T DO IT.
My "O. liner" questions are O. liners to initiate open thought and discussion. I'd rather not post a certain opinion on certain topics and have it turn into a free for all out of the gate.
Some people can answer politely, and play nice--others seem incapable.
People have different tolerance levels to the frankness, honesty and, actually, the (downright) plain rudeness of some responses they receive.
I have thick skin--not everyone does.
I'm sure people have their reasons. You might not understand them, or relate to the reasons. They may have ever crossed your mind. That doesn't make them unreal or invalid, right?
I give advice that I feel is relevant. Hopefully, advice gets read before the question is deleted for WHATEVER reason. I don't feel that my effort has been in vain, and neither should anyone.
If it bothers you that much--go back and delete your answers to the deleted questions!
Try not to take it personally. I don't.
I'm sure it's not about you. ;)

Perhaps the more annoying thing is when I see a verbatim response from "another" poster--identical to another previous response...now THAT I can't justify logically...sorry.

Oh, Cheryl! LOL I know EXACTLY hat you mean about a DOG with a bone! Ain't that the truth??? And you know what "they" say about 'tangled webs' right?! LOL

Why don't you message those specific people and ask them? The reasons for deleting varies by original poster and by question. In my case it was for privacy and personal reasons. Some of us have a concern about keeping things private from some people we actually know. That's the reason I saw fit to start a new account. Please consider and realize that everyone has different situations. Contrary to popular belief, not every deletion is intended to annoy the respondents or future readers. Sometimes there are personal things going on that cause people to feel deleting is necessary. It's not always about you.

The time I deleted a question was because I felt like I had received a lot of responses and people kept responding, even though similar responses had been made and I had filled in the SWDYD box, and I wanted the responses to stop because it was filling up my in box. Not sure why anyone would really care...that sort of surprises me that someone would get annoyed by it. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do; I don't worry about it.

I have only "removed" a question when asking something that has to do with someone else and I feel like if that person ever read the question, they would feel violated. I know that makes no sense because I don't use my real name or real town and no one would be interested in stalking me, but I do post enough info on here that someone who knows me could possibly recognize me (really, how many surrogate mothers are there who have 4 kids, step-twins, a husband with a mood disorder, an interfaith marriage, at least one kid with ADHD and live in the Boston area?). While I'm fine with asking questions about my own family situation, if I ask something about my SD's mother or a friend's significant other that I wouldn't want that person to see, then once I get helpful answers I might replace the content of the question with something like "thank you for the responses" and leave it at that.

I know that this kind of paranoia is illogical but it makes me feel better about asking for opinions on things that aren't directly my business. I would imagine that others who delete have the same motivation. For example today, someone asked a question about some relatives that her parents were supporting and she probably felt that even though she didn't put in a lot of details, it was a bit too much to just leave hanging in cyberspace.

I think some people don't realize just how stupid and/or inflammatory their question is until they put it out there. And then they're shamed into removing it. And, yes, there are stupid questions.

Others, I guess probably don't like the responses they receive. Boo on them.

Oh. DadOnPurpose. I totally get what you're saying about the extra info in the SWH. I've been sideswiped after answering a question and then seeing way more detail in the SWH that totally changed the whole situation (and would have changed my answer). That's my peeve.

I have done it with my own post (my nanny is not a wetback illegal and I certainly do not appreciate the slander on her good name nor mine). Anyone can figure out the question I asked but I pulled my own question in disgust and out of the desire to protect my own. I have pulled my own answer when it was deemed not helpful. Sorry, I thought my flippant answer was appropriate to the person's totally clueless question. I thought wrong so I pulled my answer. It doesn't really bother me either way. The reasons people pull questions and/or answers are myriad. I won't second guess people too much. Let's give each other the space to backtrack. I too go back and reread things but I don't get upset when things are replaced with ellipses or more information. Some situations are as clear as mud and/or are crystal clear in the person's mind but not on paper. Sometimes life needs a big eraser and the right to use it.

I have not deleted a question to my knowledge - been here a long time, and most of the time this is done it is because they asked something and decided they were misunderstood and tired of "defending" themselves or adding qualifiers to their post. Many times I think those people come on looking for an answer and when they do not get that answer they get upset and huff and puff and move on WITH their toys (question).

It's a drama queen thing to do.
The online equivalent of slamming a door loud as you can and flouncing off in a huff.
But then they come back, ask another question, and do the same thing all over again.
It's a pattern with some people.
Makes me think someone should take their computer away from them till they grow up a bit.

I've never posted a question, mostly because someone else has already covered it, but I do notice that the questions that the posters delete seem to be ones that people are nasty when they answer. Yes sometimes the advice people get may not be what people want to hear, but that doesn't mean that it needs to be given in a mean, hurtful or judgmental manner.

They erase/delete it because they do not want a "paper trail" displayed of what they asked.
Or change their minds.

IMO This happens when people misunderstand your question and start making ASSUMPTIONS based on what you have written. I hate it, it is so frustrating when someone starts berating you for something you have not done based on A. assumption. And then when others start sending them flowers for those assumptions and you feel like you are being ganged up on. That is the worst...I understand why some delete questions. I always try to read it and figure out what the question was. curiosity.

i agree it's frustrating - i just always assume they were ticked off by all of our responses (finding out they are WRONG, for instance) and couldn't take it. and then i know i truly have made no difference to them. then why did i bother?

also what drives me even more nuts is when i answer something that ends up getting pulled and clicking a flower i received takes me to an empty screen and i can't remember what it was! argh! those are usually the juicy ones! Lol!

.

makes me frustrated too.
It's really not fair to the late comers that may have really gleened some good info if the original question was still there.
I dont think you should be able to edit the original question, it's not right.
The ones that do remove the original questions must have issues that the rest of us just dont understand?

Cheryl, I am frustrated by this too, but I find that those who do this usually aren't around for long. Unlike us "old timers" lol!
I think it's just a matter of people searching for answers they want to hear, and when they don't get that, they move on.
It's kind of like kids on a playground, when you don't play honestly and fair with others then nature takes it's course and then no one wants to play with YOU :)

yep, I'm signing this petition! It is soooo frustrating. My opinion is that most posters don't like receiving responses contrary to their own opinion....& sorry....tough toookies! You ask, we answer. :)

Rant all you want on this subject....:)

Hmmm. This is a good question. I recently asked a question, got very good answers that were worthwhile but that also made me realize that my question was NOT the right one I needed to ask. In fact, the answers made me realize that my situation was much more serious and that I had to rethink my initial reaction and change completely my resolution strategy. At that point, the initial question became irrelevant.

So, basically, its not you, its me. Does that make sense?

It is frustrating sometimes.... I like to see how other folks responded, maybe I can learn something! We all have different points of view...

Although I admit to doing it at least once...

The last time I did it though, I left most of question and made a comment regarding what I had edited out so folks would not be confused..

they do it solely to annoy me.
srsly.
>:( khairete
S.

Total writer's remorse or they are embarrassed that they didn't get the answers they were hoping for. This thing about deleting the original question or the even longer SWA, we can still figure out most of it (maybe not specifics but we get it).