Considering If Divorce Is the Best Choice for Me?

I was in a very similar situation as you several years ago. My best advice to you is to see a counselor for yourself. If you are a Christian, try to find a counselor who follows your beliefs and who can help direct and guide you through your feelings and situation. A counselor can help you become stronger and emotionally able to make wise decisions during a time that is very confusing. I'm sorry that you are in a situation that is so hurtful. I pray that God will give you clear direction and comfort during this period in your life.

you can call some churches and seek names of counselors that are christian. there are christian counselors out there. I would look for one and get some insight from them on what ways you need to seek guidance for yourself and your child. this is a difficult time and it helps to get someone to talk to that doesn't know you or your family. I will pray that you are guided in the right direction for you and your family during this time.

Hi, A.,

I have to say, I may make both you and several others quite upset with my personal advice, however, you asked, right??

I will first assume that you did, infact, take time to read the Chapter in I Cor. that was posted for you. If, for some reason, you did not, please take time to.

God's word should be your alpha and omega, your beginning point and your ending point. That being said, as you read in the chapter, there are commands to both the wife AND the Husband in His word on marital issues. I am sure that you can agree that no one person is ever at fault, there is usually a way for both parties to improve. If you both have a heart for Christ, and both have a desire to serve Christ first, you will find that working on things will be easier.

I am not, nor will I ever be an advocate of divorce. Though, I do not believe that the sin of divorce sends you to hell. The only thing that sends you to hell is being apart from Christ, and in my estimation, that is not your choice to begin with. So, don't be fearful of Christ and where you will stand with him over sin. Sin breaks God's heart. To that I agree unashamedly, however, it doesn't seperate you from eternal security with Him. One saying I often use, and is in the words of a dear Pastor friend...."Sin takes you farther than you ever want to go and keeps you longer than you ever want to stay"

I would liken the above to divorce. It is not over just because you drop his last name. The sin of divorce is the 'gift that keeps on giving'. Not only will you have to deal with him until death do you part, your daughter will as well. She will be the most amazing and beautiful bride you have ever laid eyes on, having her heart broken as she picks between both 'Daddy's' to chose who should have the honor of giving her away. She will also have to be the 35 year old Mother of 4 who has to not only divide her time between Meemaw and Papaw/Grandma and Grandpa, and Granny and Papa....she will be the woman who finds herself questioning her own marriage, because...'this is just like Mama said her first marriage was' and she will be explaining through tear filled eyes that she has 2 Daddy's and 2 Mama's because Meemaw and Grandpa were once married but got a divorce and got remarried.

You, yourself will have to learn to deal with your Husband either way. Because you share a child, he will be in your life constantly, even if it is only through the disdain you will feel when your daughter has to miss your Christmas dinner in an effort to be at something...'Dad planned first!'

I hope you see where I am going....Divorce isn't over at the courthouse.

Also, I'd like to point out, you have only been married 2 years. You have bearly had time to get out of the honeymoon phase. Marriage is hard over the years, and it takes work. It also takes commitment to one another. Think back to the day you said I DO, I bet it wasn't without the better or worse part, correct? Count this as one of the worse times, (though notice I don't say WORST, because it can and most likely will be harder than this from time to time.)You simply have to remove from your vocabulary the word divorce, agree to recommit to the original day of your wedding and trudge on.

My Husband and I are about to celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary. We have suffered some really hard times....from me nearly leaving him, to fights and money woes, to losing children. However, today, I can honestly say, I totally understand that love is a luxury of marriage but not a necessity. I do love Jason, more today than I did yesterday, and yesterday I didn't think that was possible. However, I am aware that when the day comes that our 'love' lessens, we are both committed to our covenant of marriage reguardless.

I pray that you receive this in the manner it is intended and that the Holy Spirit preceeds it and allows your heart to ripen to His will for your marriage. Please feel free to message me privately, as my Husband and I do a small amount of christian marriage counseling on the side.

Because of Him alone,

Heaven Bound,
A.

Girl, CUT IT OFF. I was the same way and only stayed for my kids thinking that it would be best for them. But he was horrible to me and the kids for that matter. On both of my pregnancies I was abandoned and treated horrible by him. I have two boys and I did not want them to grow up and treat another woman the way that their dad treated me. Trust me, I stayed with mine and he NEVER changed. We have been separated since 2005 and my life is 100% better. I found someone who really loves me and my boys. Now they see how a man should treat a woman and I am confident (since they are still young) that they have the right morals. That is something their real father would have never gave them because he does not possess them. When he used to call every blue moon to speak to his kids, I saw through conversation that he is still the same person and I am glad all over again that I divorced him. It hurt when everything happened-but believe me that was the best thing I ever did in my LIFE! I would do it ten more times to his sorry behind if I could! Good luck- and remember DIVORCE HIM-because he will not change. Don’t waste anymore of your life to foolishness, because life is not that long…

A.,

Only God can lead you in your decision and I have paste the whole chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians about marriage. So the best thing for you to do is mediate, fast and pray and wait on the Lord for your answer and He will lead you.

1 Corinthians 7
Marriage
1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

17Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. 20Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. 21Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. 23You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.

25Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.[b]

39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

A.,

I am not in the business of telling anyone that they should leave their spouse. However, I believe that God does not want his children to suffer in an abusive relationship. From what you described above, your husband abuses you emotionally and is neglectful. I would suggest a legal seperation first for your mental well being and to make sure that you are making the right decision. Also, try counseling if you haven't already, but your husband has to be willing. If you decide to leave your husband for the reasons you stated above, you are not going to hell. We serve a very forgiving and understanding God. Your husband is desperate to hang on to the marriage so he will try and say anything. I am praying for you and your family.

B.T.W. Just out of curiosity, what church did you attend? I attend Word of Faith in Austell and we absolutely love it and Bishop Dale Bronner.