Iwhose Rules

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You know, do as you normally do, if the extra bodies are problem running around you can have them chill for awhile. They can set their own rules for their kids. My son knows, my rules trump anyone elses. However, bending them when in need to fit others is okay too.

We are pretty low key househould. But I allow the boys to get rowdy, until I say no. They know dad is more strict, so time to chill when he gets home. Kids are resilent as log as they are taught to be respectful. I am not consistant and it is not a problem. As long as what I say goes when I say go. My son is 12, and is just as well adjusted as any other child. Some kids need more boundaries, some parents need thier kids to be calmer. Its all good.

My kids are allowed to run in the house, unless I say to stop. If younger kids were over, it would be one of those times to stop. Unless that mom said, "no it's fine, I'm not worried". BUt even then, with company and a houseful, the running would stress me out so I'd say, "no" and enforce.

I can't see the other family minding if you let your kids get down from the table. Also, it won't hurt your kids to suffer at the table and not fuss for the sake of company. We always had "best behavior" rules when company was over when I was a kid. But if they will fuss no matter what, just let them down. It's your house. I don't feel my rules go out the window when we're at people's houses with more lax rules. My kids are sometimes allowed to do stuff there that they aren't allowed to at home as a special treat. Or, if I say no to them about something that the other kids are allowed to do, that's that. They know I'm their mom, and I'm in charge of them.
Unless their parents are super stressy, just be yourself in your home and keep your kids from hurting theirs in any way with too much running or whatever. When your kids leave the table is none of their business. Let them worry about their kids.

Your kids need to follow your rules in your home. If the other parents want to impose stricter rules on their own kids, that is their prerogative, but you are under no obligation to impose someone else's rules on your kids in your own home.

I think that your kids are old enough to follow the no running in the house rule for 1 day for a party. you will have a lot of people and really a bunch of kids running like a heard of elephants through the hallway would be out of line. also it is just good manners for them to ask to be excused. if you don't set some sort of boundry rules now what are you going to do when they are 16 and just look at you and walk out?

Actually, not at all. You tell your kids that they should not run in front of their child because a 2.5 year old is not able to discern when they can and can't run or how or where or how fast. Also, explain to them that the extra bodies in the house will make less space to run and someone could get hurt.

Personally, I think it's wrong to allow running in the house. But if your child's teeth get knocked out or you end up in the emergancy room, you'll be the one paying for it. I would NEVER allow my children to be in what I consider an unruly and unsafe environment. I believe you respect the no running rule no matter where you are if others are around.

The table thing is entirely up to you no matter where you are at. That's just my opinion.

I really think that you should keep to the rules of your house the way they are. Make no apologies for it either. They make perfect sense for you and your family. Guests in your home should not expect that you have your kids follow the rules they have for them. It's always rules of the house. If they have different rules let their parents deal with that. They are going to have that issue wherever they go so just relax and lewt them deal with it and see how they handle it. Don't worry ahead of time what should you do when one of these issues comes up. It should be the guests issue to think about and decide how to react when their children are in someone else's home with different rules. It is a teachable moment for them. Just do YOUR thing and you and your kids will be able to be relaxed and enjoy their company a lot better.

Go on as usual! I just make it clear to my son that different houses have different rules. He CAN run at our house, but not at Gmas. He has to eat at the table at our house, but at parties I don't worry whether he does because he'll ask eat when he's really hungry. He can only "wrestle" with Daddy.

When we are somewhere with stricter rules or less strict, I make it clear what is and isn't acceptable. I have been the stricter Mom in some circumstances and I take that on as MY responsibility to enforce. I so not expect anyone to change their house rules for me.

Just enjoy yourself and don't worry about it! It will all work out!

Hi R.,
Running in the house is bad?? Oh, my, I still often play chase with my now 4 year old son down the hallway and around the living room. LOL We have pillow fights with the sofa cushions too.

Anyhoo, all that to say - like others have posted - different rules for different homes. Since this is a party that you are having, not a formal sit-down or holiday dinner, you guests should expect things to be a little more relaxed. Why not set up a kid's table - for food, cake, whatever, that way the kids don't really need to ask to be excused from the grown up table.

If the adults are hanging out in one room, maybe asked that the kids slow down through there - like a no running zone - but allow the hallway to be full throttle.

That way you are not changing your rules, just respecting all of your guests.

Have fun and have a great party. Throw a pillow or two for me.

Maybe you can have some different rules for your kids when you have "company". Explain to your kids ahead of time that when we have guests, we are not going to run in the house and we are going to remain at the table with everyone because those are good manners for when we have company. I don't think that will confuse your children. You can also tell them that by using good manners and following these rules, they are being great examples for their younger guests.

Since it's your house, keep to your rules. Expect your children to follow YOUR rules, but if the other family wants THEIR children to continue following THEIR rules in YOUR house, that's up to them to enforce. If their children start complaining that "it's not fair, THEY get to leave the table to go play, etc", the other parents can choose to go with the flow in your house and let them play or demand that they stay at the table. Either way, I don't think YOUR children need to follow the other family's rules in your own home...

Hi R..

Very simple really. Your house, your rules. As you told us, when you were at their house, you had your children follow their rules. Well, like I said, your house, your rules. And don't worry so much about it. :)

It's simple -your house, your rules. Let them deal with how to explain to their kids, if they need to, that their rules aren't followed in every house.

Your house, your rules. But obviously, if your family has general respect for them, that's nice. But THEY have to adjust because they are visiting YOU.

I think you stick to your own rules, I see nothing wrong with that. Except that maybe with that many kids in the house it might be a good idea to not allow them to run that night and say that is the reason. With that many kids and that many younger kids, it could be a disaster, especially when visitor kids may not be used to that sort of thing.

But otherwise yes, go with your rules its your house! Whether the visitors let go or go along with your rules is their option. There are things my kids are allowed at cousins houses that I would never allow, I still stop them when I'm around.

I would stick to my rules of our home. We are all different and what works for someone else may not work for you and yours.

Well about the dinner what my parents did because there were so many of us was to have a kids table and then set the time rules for that table and all the children have to follow those rules. Then know one feels like you are making different rules for the different set of children. As for the running in the house my thought about that is that what we do at home when we are just having family time is different than what we do when we have company. So we have company rules, if you have 4,5 or 6 kids running around the house that is not going to be fun for anyone. So try to set up games for the kids. Like when the kids come in the door they all get a bucket that they get to decorate nothing hard so you didn't have to spent all of your time doing it, put a treasure map inside the bucket and they have to figure out where each thing is, the bigger kids can help the smaller ones and the rules are set up before they start like no one can take more than one of each thing and that you can't tell where you found something. You get my point, everyone has a good night then the kids play with the treasures they found. What do you think? Hope this helps.
M.

As far as the principle of whose rules, well I am all for sticking to your guns on this one. It is YOUR home, so your rules should be in force for YOUR kids. That being said, you cannot expect the other family members to allow their children to do something that they do not allow in your home, just because you allow it. My suggestion for these 2 examples would be this, (and you didn't mention your kids ages so I am going to assume that they are old enough to be explained this and to understand especially if they can understand that they are not allowed to run in other people's homes, etc)...............
As far as the running in the house rule, well as many others have posted, explain to your kids that since you will have a house full of visitors and the kids will be varying ages, the running may be a safety issue during the visit. ASk them to please try to keep that to a minimum while your guests are there. If for no other reason than for safety. The youngest visitor could be easily knocked down, or fall themself just trying to keep up. As for the dinner rule, I would tell my kids that while I don't expect them to sit at the table until everyone is finished eating their meal, our guests are very excited to see them and hear all about what has been going on in their lives. If they finish eating before everyone else, it would be nice if they could remain at the table for a while just to be included in the conversation, and to have a chance to "visit" with the family that is there. Mealtimes can be a wonderful time to sit and talk about EVERYTHINg since while you are all in one place you basically have a captive audience. My own kids take advantage of this time (as well as car rides) to talk my ear off. Some of the best information and funniest stories I have heard from them has been at dinnertime. If for some reason your kids are not being included in the dinnertime conversation, then by all means excuse them from the table. There is NO REASON to force them to sit there once done and make them listen in to a conversation that they have no part in. Encourage them to use the time when they are done with their meal to ask the visitors about things in their lives. Depending on your kids ages, you could also excuse them ahead of the rest to help you get dessert ready for everyone else. That is a job that my own kids LOVE! They feel important, have a role in mealtimes, and don't have to be bored sitting there when there is a lull in the conversation.
Above all, remember that it is YOUR home, they are YOUR kids, and there is no reason to change how you do things. All I am suggesting is a comprimse on a couple things that may make your company feel a little more at "home" and will also make their kids feel like they are not dealing with such different and strict rules. Good luck. All of us parent our kids differently, and if your family cannot see that or respect it, I would reconsider having them as houseguests in the future. As my husband says, there is a reason hotels are out there. LOL!

Your rules for your kids, their rules for theirs. You can't force someone to change their expectations for their children simply b/c they are in your home and you are more permissive. Have they stayed with you before and it's been an issue? I wouldn't make an issue out of it when they're there. We are fairly strict with our son, but when we are at my in-laws or my parents' we let him run around with his cousins and have fun. At 2.5 he's able to understand that time at Aunt Jamie's is "special" and that he has a little more freedom. They will likely do the same.

There's a really good chance that if you "excuse" your children from the table at a reasonable point during the meal, they will let the little one down to play as well, especially if you "thank" the kids for eating so well and being polite during dinner and mention something about the "grown ups wanting to chat". As for the running, I would have your kids curb that for the weekend- lots a lot of extra people in your house to be running around, especially with a baby who may be playing on the floor.

Since your kids are older and you don't see these people often, I'd say your kids can not run and stay at the table til everyone finishes. I mean, this is O. day, right? I don't see the big deal. Your friends only have O. child that this really affects anyway (not the baby) and running around with a 2.5 yo trying to keep up is a recipe for disaster anyway.

Different families have different rules. In your house, you should be allowed to set the rules. If the other family wants to say no running, or you must stay at the table, that's fine. Let them do what is right for them - but you do what is right for you too! You respect that their rules are different from yours - they should respect the same thing about you.

I know its a hard place to be in and you probably just want to enjoy the other family without worrying about the rules. I hope that if you just do what is right for your family everything will fall into place. Best of luck!

Your House, Your Rules.

Your house, your rules. You shouldn't have to adjust for them - although it's very thoughtful of you to be concerned.

I guess I'm late, since you already said "So what happened", but fwiw, I agree with you. Keep your own table rules. It's your house. It's okay. I happen to agree that kids, at those ages, should be allowed to be excused when they have finished their meal and politely asked. I also agree that you should curtail the running in the house while you have guests. Not so much to cater to them, but rather that there are more people (and smaller people too) and so it increases the odds of someone inadvertently getting knocked down/over, etc. I think it is great that you realize that it's unfair to your daughter to keep her in the house due to severe allergies but not allow her running play time!

But, as a side note, I do think that the playground is different than inside the house, even though you don't have a breakables or things you are concerned about damaging. Simply because the floor is hard. Typically, playgrounds have a softer surface to land on. Even just plain dirt has more "give" than a strip of carpet with concrete/wood underneath. Playgrounds usually have sand or grass or shredded rubber or mulch to soften any hard landings. Homes don't.

Children are used to following different rules in different places: ie. school, grandma's, etc. Do not change your rules. The guests can say that our rules do not change just because we are somewhere else. You do not have to make excuses for what you do in your own environment.

Your rules at your house, their rules at their house. I tend to be more of a stricter parent and often have to tell my kids not to do things other kids do. Its part of life. Be sure your kids are respectful (which I'm sure they are) and don't tease the other kids or encourage them to go outside of their families rules while at your house.

Its good for kids to learn to follow their families rules no matter where they are or what the other kids are doing.

Best wishes!

It's funny, I always wonder the same thing. Why can't kids run in the house? We run everywhere and often get yelled at. Why can't we slowly run in an empty mall hallway? Do you know how often that trick has gotten me through stores. Maybe that's why this world is so overweight. Everyone is so worried about everyone getting hurt (and sueing). guess that's a bit off subject.
We have older cousins too, and if the running get's to out of hand I just remind them to watch out for our little ones. Or slow it down around our little ones. No need for them to stop, just be aware. Our little ones have always loved the commotion of their older cousins and have grown to do the same. I think it's great that they're so active.

I would say whatever house you are in gets to have the rules.

Different houses... different rules.

Many of kiddos friends COME over here... specifically because we have the rules we do. As in; it's raining and the kids are going nuts, so they come over here for skateboarding (which we allow on one floor of the house; huzzah for Pergo ... we won't replace it with real wood till kiddo's older) or gymnastics or music (we have guitars and drums and a piano.... although kid's are welcome to bring their own portable schtuff... we soundproofed for my husband's band, which more than takes care of kid music noise, which is *much* quieter).

We follow "Lowest Common Denominator" on movies & games (as in we don't allow movies on or games playing unless *everyone's* parents are okay with the selection).

Food is variable. ((As in our food rules are REALLY lax the vast majority of the time, but the change depending on what's going on / who is here.))

When we have company over (particularly for parties/ etc.) I explain house rules (for example; anyone skating has to have a helmet on or they can't ride... or this drawer of snacks is available at all times -with certain kids, over, other kids we have an asking police-). Ditto, when kiddo is at friends' houses he follows their rules. Rules change from house to house. That's just how it is.

You let your kids behave however you want, and your family members can impose whatever rules they want to on their children.