Me Time Please!

You're grown, correct? Stop asking permission & take control of your own life.

I'm 35 years old with a husband, a 12 year old son & a 10 year old daughter. A few weeks ago for the first time ever I went on vacation for 5 days to the Bahamas with my mother, aunt & sister (who has an almost 2 year old & a 6 year old). Yep, no men & no children. I can't speak for anyone else, but my man in particular as well as my daughter were not at all pleased with this arrangement. Guess what?? Everyone survived!

Everyone in your family will survive if you go away for a little while, too, whether it's an evening out, or a long weekend.

Stop trying to please everyone! You don't need your mom's permission to go to the event. It would be nice if she supported you, but you have to do what you think is best for you and your family. She got her chance with her own and now it's your turn.

It would be nice if you and your husband were in agreement, but you can't be a slave to your home. He will be fine taking care of the children HE helped create while you walk away from there a little while. The sky won't fall and he can get glad in the same pants he got mad in. When you decided to have children you didn't agree to be their SOLE caregiver. You are the primary caregiver as the stay at home parent, but there will be times he's going to have to step up and fill his role as secondary.

Quit waiting for everyone to approve and just GO. In the evening sometime this weekend or in the next week, get your shoes on, get your coat and purse and look at your husband and say, "The kids are fed and happy, so I'm going to Starbucks. You want anything while I'm gone? You could start their bath and I'll finish it when I get back." If he suggests you all go, just start walking for the door and tell him "no".

Go with your gut. You are a grown woman who has an identity outside of motherhood and that identity needs to be recognized and nurtured. It's too bad that those closest to you are going against that basic need.

Please go out tonight with your girlfriend and enjoy yourself, and book that PTA getaway. Your husband is a grown man and father and will manage just fine. While it would be great if he were on board with your plans, he's already being pissy to you. So for tonight, he'll be pissy and you can stay at home or he'll be pissy and you can go out. You're not going to change his mood, so go out! Maybe he'll see that he's being selfish and immature. He gets to go out to work every day and probably has hobbies...why shouldn't you have a life too? You DO NOT always have to be with your husband and kids...that's just such a crazy thought.

You need to tell your husband and your mom that you weren't asking their permission, only informing them of your plans. Have fun. :) Best wishes

Holy wow they all need to get with the times!!! Maybe when YOUR mom was young that was societies views but things have changed. Tell your husband that there is nothing unreasonable about the PTA trip, IT'S FOR YOUR KIDS! Let him know that you really want to go with your girlfriend for a few hours and unless he can give you a valid reason why thats unacceptable then you will be going.. you can't let these people keep you prisoner! Stand your ground and tell your mom and sister to butt out!

You go do your thing. Screw 'em! Maybe if your husband has to take care of the kids for a little while, he will understand how much you need a breather every now and then. Don't feel guilty. A good mom is a happy mom, and it sounds like you need to let your hair down!

You will be a better wife and mother if you are a happy individual. I hope you have a wonderful time out with your friend tonight! You really need to go out with her. You need to go on the PTA trip, too. It's important for a woman to have her own interests, and time away from her family.

It will also give you and your husband something other than your children to talk about, and ultimately it will strengthen your marriage, if your husband will listen to reason. I used to worry about what we would talk about when our kids were grown and out of the house, but now we both have plenty of interests other than our children, and we love to tell each other about those interests. I don't worry anymore.

Good luck, and have fun!

Just because you're a mom/wife does not mean you're not an individual. I do plenty of things with and without my husband and kids. I have 2 kids and I'm 31 years old. If I want to go out with friends I make sure my husband will be home and I tell him what I'm doing. Sometimes I compromise on time and how long I'm gone. You have to be able to do things on your own. I would have a sit down with him and tell him how you feel. He needs to be more understanding and open. I know it doesn't help that your mother & sister are not backing you up. It's not like you want to go out and party all night!

My advice would be to do "whatever you want" and go out with your friend tonight. An hour or two with a friend while he takes care of the kids shouldn't be too much to ask of your husband. Then when you get home, thank him profusely and let him know how much you appreciated it. Hopefully things will go fine while you were gone. That, together with your appreciation, should soften him up a bit while letting him see how important it is for you to have a little time to yourself. Then maybe it won't be a big argument when it's time for you to leave for the PTA convention :)

As far as your mom and sister, well, they're wrong. It's certainly okay--even necessary--for moms to have a little "me-time" every now and again. You didn't have kids by yourself. Your kids have parentS (plural!). Dad should be helping out with them sometimes, even if it's mostly your responsibility. (A personal pet peeve: I can't stand it when I hear a dad say he is "babysitting" his kids. If they're your kids, it's not babysitting--it's "raising")!

Do you seriously need your husband's permission to go out? Does he also tell you how to dress? When to talk? Of course you should not spend every single minute with your kids and hubby. You and your husband need counseling, if he wont go, then go by yourself, it will help you become a stronger, more confident person, a better mom and a better role model for your children. Do not let your kids think that a woman can be bossed by a man unless you want your daughters to grow up and think they have to put up with ANYTHING their husbands dish out.
Make plans to go on the convention, look into hiring someone to keep the kids and show him the price estimate and let him decide whether he is man enough to take care of his own children or rich enough to pay for help. Be objective and let him make that choice and make sure you can live with the decision if he cannot do it. Give him lots of praise when he is with the kids about what a great dad he is and build up his confidence with a little time spent alone with a child or two. Maybe he is scared of being alone with three kids and will need some practice before you go. It's your job to help him connect with all three kids and be a better father, even if that means pushing him a little to spend time alone with them.

Wow. Your husband is not being fair and neither are your mother or sister! I just had a discussion with my husband tonight. I found out today at work that I will be going to a convention out of town. I was trying to find a way to bring my family so that I could see them after 5pm, but there will be parties and events after. My husband said to me "don't worry about us, go have fun. You deserve a few days to yourself." I've never left my children or husband and as soon as I started to feel guilty, my husband was there to make me feel better.

You need to have a serious talk with your husband about why he doesn't want you to go. Try not to argue with him, just talk calmly and ask questions. Even if he isn't on board, I would still go unless he has really good reasons why you shouldn't. You are entitled to a night out with your friend and as far as the PTA - really - you need permission for that? I agree with Sandy on counseling.

As far as your mom and sister - it isn't really their business what you do.

Good luck to you - go have that drink.....

I'm thinking that maybe your husband is avoiding a discussion about these things because he may not want to have a big confrontation with you. People just don't like drama unless they create it themselves.

My question is this: if he did tell you what was making him uncomfortable, would you listen to him and try to understand? Don't answer too quickly. Would you LISTEN, be non-defensive, see his point of view, and perhaps even change your mind? Or would you flare up with, "How can you say such things? That's so stupid! You don't know anything about it! What's the matter with you, always spoiling my plans?" He's anticipating that you will flare up - so why not just keep the peace and let you do what you please?

He may be feeling toward you the way you feel toward him right now.

In a real conversation, somebody has to do the listening... and since you're the one who wants the information, it's going to have to be you.

Husbands sometimes have different insights on their wives' friends - insights that the wives would never think of. Wives certainly are that way about their husbands' buddies.

I think you probably should have consulted with your husband about taking care of the children for the convention night before you mentioned it to your mother or anybody else. Otherwise, it has him feeling like a hired hand. You and your husband need to be on the same team.

Maybe it's the choice of place and activity he's concerned with. A few weeks ago I thought my mom and I could go to a comedy club. Now keep in mind, I'm very NAIVE. The guy that was going to be here locally is Pauly Shore. I've only seen him in movies. My husband WENT OFF! He told me that no respectable Christian woman would even consider it. I was offended at first. But I didn't argue with him. I looked him up on youtube. Boy oh boy!!! I couldn't watch 30 seconds of his act online. I'm glad I didn't pay for the tickets to go in person.

Why don't you go ahead and find a better time to talk with him and find out if he is insecure about you being out where men might hit on your and or if he feels that it could become a trend and he's not comfortable with being alone with the kids. Maybe you should start with a couple hours hitting the barnes and noble store for some coffee and reading time first. That may start getting him used to the idea of you being gone in a less threatening place.