My 5 yr old son is very sensitive and timid. He is usually afraid to try new things or meet new people. His twin sister is the exact oppostive - very assertive and a self-starter. My current approach has been to give him as much information up front before trying something new and to answer his questions as honestly as possible. This approach has worked in the past and resulted in easy transitions until recently. Lately, he is much more apprehensive about trying a new class or visiting a new place even if his sister, father or I are accompanying him. He holds on to my legs and refuses to let go. Does anyone have any suggestions (books to read, techniques to try) - HELP!
Hi,
Thank you for the advice. The twins were involved in a lot of activities together. We now take them to the same activities on different days - so that my son can build confidence by himself in a familiar environment and my daughter can stop being the "mommy". It has worked wonders.
My son goes through stages like that, also, but, usually, it's during a stage of finding more independence.
Hi TM,
My sister is struggling with the same thing with her 5 yo little girl. At Christmas, it was ONLY family, and in every single picture you see her in a corner with her pinky in her mouth and her chin pushed into her chest, uncomfortable and awkward.
Her school is working with her. One of the things they're doing is making her in charge of the table - don't know how often, I assume for a day weekly....
Another project my sister is doing is inviting a new friend over every other week to play and then taking her to a friends house the other week, this is to get her to make more friends and also change her environment.
She is also going to get her to spend the night once a month or so with a relative - grandma, sister etc
My sister (which may be a similar situation with your twins) thinks her older brother overpowers her so she's kind of shy and now he does it all for her, or corrects her so she's lost confidence - he's 8.
I think the main concept is to get her to learn that others love her and will care for her (spending the night with family) and starting new friendships or better friendships with classmates by first having them come over, then having her go somewhere cos she usualy doesn't want to go anywhere unless her brother is going. SO she's trying to separate them some so she can begin to develop independance.
My kids are Irish twins so I worry that I will have the same issue (11 months apart)
Amy
Could it possibly be separatin anxiety? Just a thought. When you take him somewhere, try to get him involved in an activity. Maybe if you or your husband start the activity with him then once he's involved you could back away? I don't know if that would work. You mentined that you give him information and answer his questions, have you tried asking him why he is so afraid? Maybe that will give you an answer. Some kids are just more shy than others.
Hi,
Thanks for posting this. I am very interested in seeing the replies you get. My 4 year old son is also very sensitive and shy with new people and likes to watch/observe rather than participate. AT preschool programs where parents are invited, all the other kids are doing what they are supposed to and he just clams up and gives us shy smiles... Even though he's been all excited about it at home and sings the songs/etc at home. Anyways, the reason I am posting is that I just borrowed a book from the library. It is called :
The hidden gifts of the introverted child : helping your child thrive in an extroverted world by Marti Olsen Laney
I have just read the introduction and am excited about reading it and hope to find some tips/suggestions and changes we can make to help our little guy. Maybe you could try that book as well.
Good luck.
Aarti.
