Hi Moms, I have a silly question and would not how to react, so I'm asking for your thoughts. We went to a trip last weekend and while my husband was doing some work I took my 4 yr. old son to a play area in a shopping mall. I'm always telling him to be careful around kids younger (smaller) than him for he loves to run. Well, the story goes like this: I couple came with 2 girls, around the same age as my son and one of them had some level of disability and was only crawling. Well, another kid was running and bumped into this girl and the mother started lecturing the kid for bumping into her daughter. I have always admired these parents, but kids are kids and they usually don't understand these "diferences". I grabbed my son and told him not to be around this girl mostly, to avoid the mother.
My question is, if my son had been the one bumping into this girl and the mother would have lectured my son, should I stepped in and say something or, just let it go?
I would have to agree with Angie (very first response). We, as moms, are all in this together, and we don't always see EVERYTHING. While I don't agree that another mom should discipline, I don't have a problem with her bringing attention to a situation. There are times when kids are repeatedly told 'not' to do something and when a complete stranger makes a comment some children, if not all, stop and take it in.
I probably would have stepped in and said something. Nothing rude, but something like. "I'm sorry but he doesn't know his strength, and sometimes doesn't pay attention, and gets excited around other kids." I have a 3 1/2 year old. He is almost 3 years younger than my oldest but is only like 4 inches smaller than him and 6 pounds lighter than my 6 year old. He is very bad about not realizing how strong he is, and watching where he is going. I was once at McDonald's and my son went through a faze where he loved to give girls hugs. Well there was one girl in particular that didn't want anything to do with him. He didn't understand why she didn't want a hug and I tried to keep him away. Anyway the mom got in his face. I stepped in and told her that he just wanted to hug her because he liked her. I explained what I knew he was thinking. Eventhough the mom was really rude to me, I stayed and let him play but just kept him away from her. He did absolutely nothing to hurt the girl but after the mom got in his face everytime he got close to her she would cry. Pretty dramatic, but as moms of boys we have to be able to stand our ground. Boys are more active than girls and they don't seem to understand small vs. big as well at a young age. It's no excuse for them to be mean, but they shouldn't be shunned or you shouldn't have to be worried about having your son in a public play place. Kids are kids.
There is a difference with lecturing and being made aware of a situation. As a mom of a child with special needs, I would definitely ask the other child to be careful- it is my child who will end up getting hurt. If it was your child- you would be be concerned as well. My goodness, when you were a child were you not told by other parents things of what to and what not to do and your parents always told you to listen to adults? Also, I think telling your son to stay away from the girl makes him think there is a scary type of difference with the girl. This is something that he will subconsciously learn from your reactions. It is frustrating to see that an adult is already showing their child discrimination against those that are "different". It may not have been meant this way, but this is what your child will learn.
I agree I don't think she needs to lecture anyone's children unless they are hers. Kids are kids and they don't understand sometimes what can happen if they bump into other children. I like to take my kids to these types of places, but we have a rule no running. There are way to many children of all ages and it is not really fare to have an older kid running around a lot of little ones. If they want run around I take them to the park instead.
I have finally come up with a way to deal with unwanted dicipline from others. I simply say "I'm so sorry, I'll take care of it." Then, you can take your child away and deal with it however you feel appropriate. This works for me and my sister in law - she tends to want to dicipline and her ways are not always my ways, so by simply saying "I've got it" or "I'll take care of it" you are acknowledging that you will handle the situation.
I would have went and got my son, apologized to the mom, and walked away. I can't believe she was lecturing someone else's child...to me it's inappropriate unless the parents are completely non-responsive. The most I EVER say to anyone else's child at these type of places is "be careful, honey" but that's just me. Anyway, hopefully she doesn't say something to the wrong child one day and get some irrate parental response.
I think that as moms we need to teach our children to be mindful of other children especially ones with disabilities. By mindful I feel that they need to understand that everyone is different. But that even the different ones deserve to be played with and not stared at. Compassion.
Thinking about how that other mom felt. Lecturing was the easiest thing for her to do. It might not have been right, but it made her feel like she brought some awareness to the other child, even though it might not have.
IF you had had that problem you would have stepped up quickly because you were aware of what as going on, and handled it in private probably. Just as you did before it happened to your son.
As the mom of a girl with noticeable disability, I would beg you not to tell your child to stay away. My child has feelings and wants friends, just like every other child. The mother at the mall was probably out of line. If it ever happens to you/your son, I hope you'll do exactly as some of the other moms have suggested ... interrupt her lecturing and note that you will handle it. Then walk away. Kids with disabilities DO need to be watched over, for they are not as capable of watching out, getting out of the way, etc. However, kids ARE just kids ... and they usually don't MEAN to hurt one another. It's just hard sometimes, when your kiddo can't defend herself ... that momma bear instinct can be a powerful thing. The mother at the mall was just trying to protect her baby. As long as you're teaching your son to be sensitive to those who don't have the same abilities (without teaching him to fear or avoid them), you're doing the right thing.
Oh I hate those places. I use to work at one a few years back. I don't know what is proper, but I would have stood up and walked over and stood behind my son while she was talking to him and then said I was sorry and walked off with him and told him I know you were playing and you did not do it on purpose but be careful and tell him he is not in trouble. With you standing there while she is talking you are telling her that you are aware of what happened and that way hopefully she will not bully your son. Who knows those playgrounds bring out the worse in people. Have a great day!
If your son HAD bumped into her, when I noticed the mom talking to him, I would have gone over and asked what happened to the mom. Then I would have apologized for my son and spoken with him privately about it. Then I would have let him continue to play.
