The Right Time to Have My Second??

Looked at one way, there's no right time... and looked at another way, there's no wrong time.

Try this little trick... if you found out you were pregnant tomorrow, would you be thrilled or terrified? Wait until the answer is thrilled.

Oh, how I wish I'd started kids earlier. My son was born the day before my 31st birthday. I'd love to have one more (we have 2), but the clock is a-ticking as my 35th birthday is approaching.

Having kids in your 30's isn't necessarily bad. We were much more mature and financially in a better place.

But your point about age difference is completely valid. Ours are 21 months apart, and I'd like to have one now so the age difference is no greater than 3 years.

I don't know if you're ever ready for the second. It is much more demanding on your time (you may be able to overcome this with having an older child), and the expenses will accumulate (you'll have to replace all of your infant gear as most has likely expired such as car seats).

Don't let yourself not finish school, though. My sister did that. She'll be 40 this year and hasn't completed her Associate's let alone a Bachelor's. Her earning potential is capped because of her lack of a degree. It doesn't matter that she's capable and has an impressive resume, her lack of a degree prevents her from being in consideration.

Good luck!

You will need to let something go if you want to have a second child at this time. It sounds as though you had your daughter very young and are trying to "catch up". If you want your children close in age, then have another now. That may mean putting school on hold for a while, unless you can afford childcare while you are in class.

I did my most recent graduate degree while pregnant and with a newborn and will say that if my husband wasn't there to help out, I would have had to put school on hold until my son was older. You will have two children to care for while trying to study and get work done.

I don't think anyone can give you a definitive answer here, but you and your husband need to decide what your priority is right now and move forward. You could also consider doubling-up on your classes and taking summer courses to get through it faster- talk with your advisor and see!

By reading your post, it appears you have your answer - you are very stressed right now, have a young child and your husband is in the middle of a busy, stressful time also. Being in your 30s and having a baby appears to be much more ideal for the family's happiness. You would not be able to commit the time and energy to a new baby with your schooling needs, busy husband and young child. Focus on what you have right now, relax and enjoy. I am 13 years older than my youngest sister (have a few brothers and sisters in between) and we are over-the-top close to each other. I had our last child at 35 and absolutely loved it. It was the perfect time for all of us in the family.

I'm 40 and had my first at 39 (after several years of infertility). I believe there is no right or wrong time to have a baby. There is just time. If you want to have all of your kids before you are out of your 30's then get to work! We have a wonderful 9 month old son and are activley trying for baby #2.

There's never a right time!

My opinion is that there's no such thing as a "right time" for another baby. My experience is that babies come when THEY want to ... despite our plans (or lack thereof)! I'm the oldest of 3 - my sister is 4 years younger than me and my brother is 12 years younger. I adore my brother and have never really got on with my sister. On the other hand, my husband has a sister that's 8 years older than him and THEY'VE never got on!! My kids are 3 years apart and have a good relationship NOW (they're 17 and 14 years old respectively) but we DID have a few problems with them when the younger one was a toddler and my son didn't want her anywhere near him or "his" things whereas ALL she wanted was him and his things!! Don't let other's expectations pressure you. When u and your husband think you'll be able to cope with sleepless nights etc, go off contraception and let nature take its course. In my case it took 6 months before I fell pregnant with my daughter. Meanwhile, enjoy the one you have!

As stated before there is never a right time and of course never enough money. My suggestion would be to wait until you are 7 months from graduation as you are still young enough to finish school and have another baby before 30. While possible to do, it is easier to complete school with no or less children.

The age difference in kids doesn't matter to relationship quality. It varies by personality of the children. Growing up I was initially closer to the sister 3 years older. By the age of 9, I was closer to sister 10 years older and now in my 30's, I'm closer to the sister 6 years younger than me.

Other tips from me would be to put your hubby's new business in your name for female minority tax breaks. Then if possible, time pregnancy with delivery/ due date toward end of year, as to only have to meet one deductible and benefit claiming the child tax credit for baby even though only had for just a few weeks to few months.

Best Wishes for the family of your dreams and ease of having it all.

Ps. After 30 isn't as bad as what you've heard. My 1st was at 28 and 2nd was at 31. Hoping for a few more over here!

I say the time is now, to give you a little push :) I like Riley J.'s trick. Something will always make you want to reconsider, but the truth is no matter where you are in life, you will make it work. Just make sure it's a team effort... lol meaning make sure you and your husband understand what might lay ahead in the future. I'm 28 pregnant with our second and we want 4... um yeah I'll probably be 30something when I'm done! Good Luck!

I don't know if there is every the "right" time to have a baby. All that I can say is to do what feels right in your heart. Don't worry about all the little things. They will all fall into place. I would say if your daughter is four it should be time to have another one. Just make sure that it is what you want. Good luck. :)

I just had to giggle at the 30's comment... So many of us started our families in our 30's. I'm 38 and trying for my second. It wasn't easy for me to maintain a pregnancy.

As for the right time, I'm not sure there ever is a right time. If you both have a want of another child right now, then try. Just because you start trying doesn't mean it will happen immediately. On the other hand, if you both aren't ready as parents to take on another quite yet, the age difference between 5 and 1 or 6/7/8 and 1 isn't that much different.

This is always a very personal choice and you just have to do some soul searching as to what is your priority right now. Good luck!

I'm 28 and just had my first son last August. However, my husband and I want what some people would consider lots of children ... we want 4. :-) I don't have any worries about having children in my 30s ... we are still young!! My concern is just wanting to be DONE by the 40. ;-) While we will need to space them 2-3 years apart in order to do so, if you feel you want to wait til you are finished with schooling for a second, why not do it? What's wrong with having a baby in your 30s?? ;-)

There is no right time. If you are wating on the perfect moment then you will be waiting the rest of your life. Let it go. It will happen when its suppose to.

I was 34 with my second child and made a much better parent at that age. I had so much more patience than I had in my 20's and just made an all around better mother.

I found myself in your same situation. I am in college as well (I'm 28) and started when I was pregnant with my first son. After I had him, I said I wouldn't have any more until I had graduated. As time went on, I thought that I might not want them that far apart. When my son was about 2, I got a surprise that I was pregnant and then miscarried. We totally weren't expecting that baby and we're big planners. Our first was planned as well. I was scared at first, and then the miscarriage made me really decide that I wanted to go ahead and have another one. We got pregnant right away when we tried again. The second pregnancy took it out of me with being tired and chasing my son around. I had to take a break from school about 4 months in to my pregnancy. My daughter is now 7 months old and I just got back in to school. I have about 2 years left as well. My husband doesn't get home until after 8:00, but I just thought that I'd give it a try with school again. My first priority was my family and having my kids when I wanted. I decided to fit school in to my life, and if I have to take another break, then I have to take another break. I haven't regretted my decision though. I will get through school though - I know I will finish. But I'm glad I chose to go ahead and have another baby. My kids are almost exactly 3 years apart. We are done now and I'll just try to keep plugging away at school. Before I took my break from school, I asked another girl that I was in classes with what she thought - because I was really struggling with the decision to take a break from school. She told me that she took 8 years off from college to be with her boys, and she didn't regret a second of it. Hearing that helped me make my decision. Just thought my similar experience may help you...at least to know that someone else was in the same boat.