My 5 year old and I were talking about her sleeping alone, and even though I've been bringing her back to her bed a zillion times a night, she still gets up over and over to see if she can climb into my bed. Well then she asked why some adults get to sleep with their wife/husband (she was too little to remember her dad and I sleeping together) and she can't sleep with someone. I couldn't say because of love becuse then she'd think I didn't love her.
Also, my BF and I have been thinking of moving in in the future and I don't know how to address the sleeping issue if we do, I want it addressed and resolved way before we do or plan it so she doesnt associte him with not being able to climb in my bed at 4am. What is the reason you tell a kid you share a bed?? The only reason I could think of last night is that kis need room to grow. Help please
UPDATED: I like the thing about marriage BUT I don't lpan on being married first before living with my BF, I plan on being on the road to it if things work out, but not there, I'd like to make sure we're a perfect fit living together before even thinking of that, so I need answers without marriage as the answer=) Although I do agree with that answer
oh and i forgot to add she said shes always going to want to sleep next to M., apparently whens she married her husband can sleep with his parents and shes coming to my house at night, until she has kids to sleep next to
Lots of adults sleep alone, adults who are in love sleep together. All adults had to learn to sleep alone when they were kids. Sometimes it's easier to sleep alone because if there is more than one person in the bed, they can bump each other and wake each other up.
We were kids once; we paid our dues and slept alone.
Because we're grown ups, that's why ;)
My kids have asked the same thing. I usually say that when I was a kid I slept alone....that when she grows up and gets married she can sleep with her husband....that we all have open doors and we're right across the hall, etc. when she's still whining about it after that I end with saying "that's J. the way it is!!".
I DO feel bad though. I can totally see it from their point of view. :( Luckily, I have 2 girls close in age and although the older one wants her own room they often have sleepovers in each others rooms and even when they are sleeping in their own room they know their sister is "alone" too.
Good luck! We all hear ya!
She's a smart one! I don't have an answer for her, except for love, which is probably why our family cosleeps ;-)
What a great question! Smart girl you have there. I think a good question deserves a good answer, not because I said so. If my son asked M., I would tell him that married people sleep together.
We have a family bed... if my bed was larger we'd have both children in there. It doesn't bother M. a bit - because I know that EVERY normal child wants and needs privacy at some point in their life before puberty.
I agree with your daughter... why do two adults who do NOT 'need' to feel secure, loved and comforted allow themselves bedmates but kick out their vulnerable, scared, lonely children under the age of 10 y/o? If weird noises or dreams wake you up with a hard beating heart... how in the heck do you think your vulnerable, imaginative and scared child feels when it happens to them?
I agree with Rachel.
My daughter asked this question. I answered "because we like cuddling together because we are married." I went on and did say that we love each other and said that it is very important for your M. and daddy to spend a lot of time together to help nurture our relationship. I mentioned how we choose to spend our lives together and that sleeping together in the same bed is one of the great things about being married...
Love is NOT a bad thing worth mentioning!! Children should KNOW that M. and daddy love each other. It has NOTHING to do with lack of love with your daughter. J. mention the different ways you show you love her, if she shows a sign of that reason bothering her.
Not one of my four daughters, have had a problem with not sleeping with us. We had them right next to us when they were breastfeeding infants, but we never had a problem with them trying to come in our room to sleep with us- ever.
My daughter asked this question 2 years ago. Her sisters heard the answer as well. My daughters are 3, 4, 7 and 8.
But also, you could go for the short answer of Rachel's below, but it sounds like she's the type of kid that would like to hear more about WHY...
I love that your little girl is so bright. I am sending you strength.
Let he know that people sleep in their own rooms. Since her room is J. for her, she gets to sleep with herself and her lovey. Later when she gets married she and her husband will share the room, so then they will share a bed.
It will be a little hard to say you will be sleeping with your boyfriend, because small children have "boyfriends" and you do not want to give her that impression. You will need to figure out how to explain it and be willing for her to repeat it in public.. Because I promise she will.
I love that your daughter is a Thinker (but I'm not surprised!)!
It's likely there'll be a ZILLION things that occur to her....THAT MAKES NO SENSE!
But alas, there are very many rules that apply to children, not adults, and vice versa too.
(I actually prefer to sleep alone, so this is a tough one for M.. I am not a good sleeper, I wake up often.)
And, is there some reason she CAN'T climb into bed with you and your guy at 4 am?
I guess I'm a 'whatever gets you through the night' kind of person.
:)
Tell her adults who are in love and live together, sleep together. That isn't telling her you don't love her, J. that loving someone and being in love are different things.
