What Age Do Kids Usually Understand If Sombody Is Joking or Serious

I work with middle schoolers and some of them still don't get it 1/2 the time. In fact, many adults can't distinguish 100% of the time between jokes and warnings.

Be clear and he'll be in time out less.

I recall my daughter "getting" some jokes around 5-6, but not understanding joking well until 7 or 8. The same seems true of my grandson – he's 8 now, and understanding jokes and sarcasm MOST of the time.

We were pleasantly surprised to learn that DD started to "get" our sarcasm around 5 years old. She's always had a really good sense of humor. I've been around other kids who don't get it until a little later. I joked with a friend's then 6 or 7 year old one Christmas pretending I had brought gifts for her sisters, but not her. I accidentally made her cry. I felt awful about it. I just never thought that she wouldn't get that I was kidding with her.

I'm not sure what you mean by "playing with him" but you're clearly confusing him so you should probably stop. Say what you mean and mean what you say, you're his mom not his sibling.

A sense of humor is somewhat learned, so there are things you can do to help him understand when you are joking and when you are serious. You've gotten some good suggestions already.

Here's a site with info on developmental stages and suggestions on how to help develop this sense: http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/learning/child_humor....

My daughter had a very early understanding of joking and sarcasm, maybe because of her exposure to me and especially her father...

Sounds like you haven't been using the "mommy stare" or "mommy stern voice" with him. You need to start. A friend of mine knew when her daughter stood up in the chair at the kitchen table (she could see her reflection in one of the appliances when her head was turned) and she'd say "Kelllllllly...." in a stern voice. Kelly couldn't figure out how mommy knew, but she knew she was busted. You need to be doing that.

As far as not knowing you are kidding is concern, that's a little more worrisome. You're giving him mixed signals somehow. Be more clear with him. Tell him that "this is for fun" so that he knows. Before I read your question, I thought that you were talking about sarcasm. Kids don't understand sarcasm until they're around 10 years old. But if you're playing a fun game and making silly remarks and he doesn't get it, then be more clear with him.

About 7 years old.
Not that I didn't try sooner.
I once told our son about a toy poodle I once knew who LOVED to play tug of war with socks.
It was all fun and games till you wanted to stop and the dog didn't.
But the dog was smart enough to be taught a command - 'That's all!' and she knew then that play time was over and she'd let go, stop and do something else.
If a dog could learn something like that then a child can too.
Pick one phrase that you will always use when you mean business, you aren't joking, and it means he'd better listen up or else.
If you use it consistently and for nothing else they'll eventually be as good about it as that poodle was.

Mine has understood certain jokes, and has been joking himself since about two. i.e. we'd play "head shoulders knees and toes" and he'd point to his toes first and say, funny or silly.

my uncle would have him count from 1-10, but would say "lucky" (our dog) in place of number 8. DS would start giggling, silly uncle, lucky is not a number, lucky is a dog.

That same uncle has been asking DS if his underpants are dry/ clean. Uncle even gfoes so far as to suggest DS should wet his underwear, b/c mommy will be doing laundry anyway. DS says, no uncle, my pants are clean/ they are dry. I am a big boy. Why don't you wet your underpants.

He will sub out the lyrics for jingle bells and sing meow meow meow. Mommy, I am singing like a cat sings.

He will say "hey kitty kitty" to all the animals int he pet shop and the dogs on the street, followed by- ha ha, that's funny, it's not a cat it's a dog, rabbit, turtle, what have you.

He is three.

Sometimes when it comes to disciplining, I wait a moment to see if he is complying, but in his own way. i.e. this morning, when it was time to get dressed, he turned upside down on the sofa, and chose to put his pants on that way. I can live with that. If however, he truly wasn't listening, we'd have to start counting towards a time out. Maybe it's that grey area in which your kid is getting confused.

Best,
F. B.

make sure your tone of voice and facial expressions are appropriate to whatever you're actually trying to convey. he's still trying to figure out the nuances of spoken and body languages.
khairete
S.

It sounds like you are using joking as one layer of discipline and that is confusing him. You don't joke about disciplining when it is a minor offence or hasn't hit the level of needing discipline. It is too confusing.

My kids were six or seven before you could sell them to a band of gypsies and they would understand that means you are getting annoying.

I think kids make the distinction in tone and look. When I'm teasing, I have a light tone, and smile on my face or a silly look. When I'm serious, there is no doubt about that from my tone and the look on my face. I think you need to be sure for your tone to be distinguishable and then, the next time he laughs, point out to him that when you speak to him in that tone, you are serious and if he doesn't comply there will be a swift consequence. No threats, no warnings - you tell him to do/not to do something and he laughs at you, time out chair.

I think all kids are different. My son is almost 4 and understands when we are teasing sometimes, other times, not so much lol..I remember when I was 7 and went to a new sitters place and she was sarcastic and joked all the time and I was put off by it until she told me about 10 times she was only "teasing me". I didn't like it, but as I got older, I could laugh and not take her as seriously. My parents weren't like that, so, I just wasn't used to it. I think if you joke around at an early age, they will catch on and know when you are joking or serious. Kids are just like adults and have to get to know peoples personalities.

I agree that each child is different. Our oldest son came out of the womb with an incredible sense of humor and an understanding of sarcasm. Our youngest is now 9, and has only really grasped our family's sense of humor for a couple of years.

Our daughter was an early talker. At the age of 5 we knew for sure she understood.

She got us real good with her humor.. It involved a telescope in our front yard, pointing at the moon and her mentioning "the flag" she could see up there. Little stinker..

If he isn't sure, I would help him. I use cues for my daughter like : Mommy is going to get frustrated soon because you are not listening, cooperating, etc.

This really seems to help her know that her playing isn't a good time, a good idea, or whatever is going on.

I hope you can help him. And if you need to tell him, lets play, tickle, etc. it will help him to learn to read your cues. This is so important for social skills.

LOL! My kids are 14 and 18 and they still don't get some jokes, specifically sarcasm. It seems like he needs more clarity. Maybe you two could come up with a hand signal or something that helps him know when you are joking or serious.

B.

Probably mostly normal, and like others said, I think it really depends on your personality (and the rest of the family). I joke with dd a lot (as does dh) and she started "getting" out jokes and teasing around 3 or 3.5. I have a very different "mom voice" when I'm serious, and she understands that, too. If she doesn't respond to the "mom voice" then a short countdown is enough to get her moving! She started teasing us back around 4 and is quite the comedian already at 5!
If he's "freaking out" when you're just teasing, you probably should lay off the teasing for a while. Or, just pay closer attention to the situation and your tone and words--it could be something minor that is upsetting him. Some kids are just more sensitive to that sort of thing. I even get weird looks from other parents with some of the teasing I do... but dd and I get it and it's funny to us. I honestly don't think I've ever hurt her feelings or hurt her with a joke--even though I do laugh at her when she doesn't get it. :)

Every child is different regarding when they can tell others are joking. I think it's important whether the person joking is exaggerating enough with the joke; if the joke is actually geared for their age; if the person joking takes into account things that the CHILD would find funny.

So for instance, my husband is horrible with jokes to begin with but his jokes with the kids are even worse. He's just not funny. His timing is off, his choice of subjects is off, and he tries to make up his own jokes. He's known for this chizz so adults usually make fun of him for it and THAT is the joke when he does it.

When he does it to the child, most of them recognize it and just roll their eyes and go, "Oh, ha ha Uncle JessicaWessica, you're so funny...errrr," or "Whatever, Daddy."

When he does this to my middle daughter, who is 11 years old and autistic, she gets upset with him. She thinks he's being mean and rude. He makes jokes about things HE thinks is funny and not what SHE thinks is funny. When he laughs at his own jokes she thinks he's laughing at her and she gets more upset. Then he says she's overly sensitive or has no sense of humor, and she starts crying and then I have to step in and calm her down before there's a meltdown and then I have to go school him.

But he DOES upset my typical daughters too, 9 and 13, at times.

Since my children were small and needed discipline that was something like putting them in time out or "we're leaving the store" I always made sure to explain why. "You're being put in the timeout chair because you disobeyed a house rule [name the rule]. You need to sit here and think about following rules, obeying Mom, and apologizing for what you did." "We're leaving/left because you _____. You will not be allowed to _____ because you _____ and we had to leave. It's time for you to think about this quietly, and then apologize."

And it takes as long as it takes. Part of the reason for a timeout is to get the child calmed down. After the calm down, that's when they get to think. They need to be walked through the steps. And always made to apologize even if they don't mean it.