We all have them... Areas where we are weaker, or personality traits that we don't like so much in ourselves... Things we are trying to improve in ourselves...
Personally, I struggle with self-doubt, always over-analyzing everything, worrying that I am not making the right decisions or doing the best things for myself or my son.
I also struggle with indecisiveness, which plays off my last weakness.
I also think I tend to lean toward being an enabler. I have always had an overactive superego (overly active sense of guilt, responsibility toward others, etc.), and therefore, try to please everyone around me, always trying to make things "right" for everyone. And although I know how bad this is, I have trouble fighting off the internal compulsion to do it.
And I think I sometimes close myself off to emotional closeness. I strongly desire deep and open relationships with the people I love, but the only person I can seem to fully open myself up to and express my complete love for with no reservation is my son. Not sure why.
These are things I struggle with. And I'm sure there are plenty more. But these are the big ones that come to mind.
What are yours?
Oh, Julie B., you hit the nail on the head for another one of mine... I too, like to have things... For me, shopping de-stresses me! I know that relationships, experiences, etc. are the MOST important things in life, NOT THINGS, but I do struggle with wanting 'things'. I don't do it to the point of excess, or putting myself in debt (if you read my response to Crystal asking about declaring bankruptcy, you know I have done the whole overwhelming debt thing, and PAID IT OFF to the tune of $27,000. So I won't make that mistake again.) But I do like to shop and buy things... And I would like to be more content with what we have, and be able to practice more self control and restraint when it comes to wanting/buying things, so that is why I'd see this as another fault. Julie, you're not alone on that one.
Over opinionated (hello? I am doling out my opinions almost daily here - LOL!) and I hold people I care about/are friends with to the same standards I set for myself.
But that said, I know it and I try to temper my opinion giving until it is asked (most of the time) and try not to be disapointed when someone doesn't hit the mark and cut slack to those I love because we are all HUMAN:)
Impatient and often have a hard time asking for help when I need it.
I also don't trust very easily.
did I write this post?? everything you just said!
I am a perfectionist and hold myself to sometimes unreasonably high expectations.
I'm going to have to second procrastination.
(Is being addicted to popcorn with real butter and salt on it a fault or a vice? Oh well, there are worse ones out there.)
I find the older I get, the less time I spend with self doubt and introspection.
It's there a little bit, but I've reached a point where I pretty much see how the world and people work around me and I am confident of where I fit in to it all.
I'm sure by the time my son's a teenager he'll shake that up a bit but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
I am not good with direct confrontation. I think of plenty of things I could have said after the fact but never during the actual event, and it makes me mad.
Major procrastination
Prone to laziness
Shy
Afraid of being judged by others
Often try to please all others before my own hubby
Being the youngest of a family with an alcoholic father, I feel that I am a pleaser--trying to hard to make sure everyone is happy, when we all know that can never happen!
Also (I don;t know why) but I am a procrastinator when it comes to paperwork, filling out forms, etc. I HATE doing that so I avoid until the last possible minute. But I'm working on that. (Later!) haha
I also tend to over-analyze and jump to some conclusions at times.
a need to plan & fix everything.....which I believe is different from being a control freak. !!
My family & I definitely have different perspectives on this issue!
Hi, L.:
I have many of the same characteristics that you are reporting.
I would suggest you check out
Co-Dependence Anonymous at
Find a meeting and see if you can relate.
Good luck.
D.
L.,
I read your post and felt like I had written. I actually went to counseling because I got the point where making a simple decision like which dish detergent became stressful. I have difficulty saying no and tend to take on more than I can handle. I enable those around me to continue in bad behavior. My counselor recommended a book called "Boundaries (When to Say Yes When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I highly recommend this book. It really helps you to understand how to have healthy relationships with those around you and what happens when you don't. I wish you well. You are not alone.
It used to be that I had to have evryone like me...no love me!! As I got older I learned that I did not like,nor love everyone, so why should everyone feel that way towards me? I just try to make everything seem to go right whatever situation I am in...whether it be at work or with my family.
I know that it is not good for my health...keeping everything negative inside of me, that's why I seem to get all of these awful headaches! As I grow older and wiser, I hope I will learn to express myself in a positive way!!
• Procrastinator
• Need reassurance when it comes to relationships with girlfriends and husband
• Enabler
• Avoid conflict
All areas I would love to improve!
I take on too much and schedule too much. I need to back off a bit and free up more of our time and my time, and I'm working on that.
I am VERY impatient! I have an amazing amount w/ people who actually have a diagnosed problem or mental handicap, but with regular folks I have NONE. I cannot tolerate ignorance and stupidity.
The above leads me to have road rage, which I really try to keep under control when the kiddos are in the car, but when I'm alone -WATCH OUT!
Material things make me very happy. I struggle with this, because I know the most important things in life are relationships, family, love -in other words, NON-material things, but I can't help it. Having money and material goods I like does truly make me happy! I'm not talking about going crazy-overboard or ruining our financial picture, but I take great pleasure in buying nice things for my home, great clothes and shoes and I love to buy my boys cute clothes and shoes (and I usually don't buy really expensive stuff except for a few things each season-I'm a big outlet shopper, but I really love dressing them well). I enjoy having a nice automobile. I still prefer to spend money on experiences like travel, music festivals, and other family adventures, but I struggle with just how bad my love of material goods really is -I mean, as long as I'm not putting us in debt, and I'm saving money and we're doing fine -is it truly bad? It used to be for me because I ran up lots of credit card bills, but they've been paid off for years, and I haven't had a credit card in 5 years, so is it really bad?
Wow, I could have written this, I am the SAME way, the doubting, second guessing, being OVERLY critical. the only one I can open up to is my husband and daughters. I long to have a close friend to "talk" to but I dont trust them. Life of lonelyness for me I guess?
What a great question. I decided to read all of the posts to see how harshly I might be judged (a fault) before responding. I see myself exactly in your post, L. P, but there are parts of me in so many others as well. I don't know why, but I now feel such a sense of hope for me -- and for all of you. This is one of those connecting moments that makes me feel that I have a "friend" -- even though we've never met.
Thanks for your question, L., and for all of the responses. You made my day.
I am stubborn and although I will do it, I have a very difficult time admitting I am wrong or saying sorry. I am impatient and get angry if I have to repeat myself to get an answer during conversation or to get a necessary task completed by others (husband). I am an absolute control freak and sometimes will ask for help doing things but then criticize about how it has been done (if you want something done right, do it yourself kind of thing). I hold grudges but not for people who hurt me, for people who hurt those I love. Those grudges take up too much of my energy yet I still can't seem to let them go no matter how hard I feel I try. I am a "glass is half empty" kind of gal and wish I was more positive (however I am fully aware of all the blessings in my life and am truly grateful for each and every one of them). I have high expectations so I get disappointed when inevitably one is not met. Overall, I need far more patience and REALLY need to mellow out!
