Who Wakes up with the Baby?

I do, and I don't expect my husband too. I too am a SAHM. I feel that since I am home all day and can sleep in with the baby (or could, my youngest is 3 now) and take a nap when they did, that it should be my responsibility. He works almost 24/7 and I feel he deserves every bit of sleep he can get.

I think you are overreacting. When I was on maternity leave fo both children, I was the one who took care of the babies. I also breastfeed so in my household it was a no brainer since my husband had to go to work for 6 am. I think being a stay home mom this can be accomplished since you are the one at home. I may have been lucky too, because both my babies slept through the night at 3 weeks old so by the time I went back to work, it was no longer a problem. My husband didn't get paternity leave either; otherwise, he would have done it if he could. Plus, I was able to do it with a 2 year old and a new born while I was at home. But, again I am a night owl anyways. I just scheduled nap times with baby and me if I needed it.

I get up every time and I resent it (honestly!). Could he do one night a week if you let him know how you feel? It shouldn't be about $ but having both of you involved with the kids and happy.

well maybe I'm in the minority here but I have 2 girls and when they were infants I NEVER had my hubby get up with them at night. This is how I looked at it. He gets up and goes to work everyday. I can't help him with his job or do some of his work...he has to do it all. My job is a sahm so getting up with the baby is my job. I also feel that my hubby would have to get up early for work where I could sleep for another hour or so until my daughter woke up. Also if I had to get up a few times during the night I could take a nap during the day while my kids napped. My hubby on the other hand has to work and can't nap. So yeah I felt like I needed to do this. It's my job. Now I'm all for my hubby playing and helping with the kids in the evenings or on weekends but night time....that's my shift.

I haven't read other responses yet so I apologize if this is redundant...
My husband and I both used to work outside the home. When we did, we alternated nights when he would get up and when I would get up, so each of us shared the responsibility and if it was a rough night, could catch up on our sleep the next night. When I stopped working early last year, I was aware that our roles had shifted and had no problem getting up with the kids during the week when he was still heading off to work in the mornings, and ONE weekend night/morning so he could rest up. But SAHM's don't get a break unless they arrange one. So I made sure my husband knew that one weekend night/morning would be his responsibility so I could rest up. It has worked out well for us. And believe me, I take full advantage of sleeping in on my weekend day!

My husband and I have a system that we have used for both of our boys now. If they baby/child wakes up before 2:30 am, I get up with them. If they wake up after 2:30 am, he's in charge. This way each of us are guaranteed 5 hours of non interrupted sleep. This set up only ever changes if one of us is sick. I am a night owl and he is a morning person, so this works out really well. And let me just say...my husband thought of this schedule!! Just tell your husband how you feel. It's better than keeping it inside and letting it eat away at you.

50/50 parenting doesn't mean that each parent does 50% of each task that needs to be done, it means that both parents are equally involved. being a SAHM is indeed a full time job and you should get appreciated for it, but i think some SAHMs don't fully credit what it's like for dads who are sole providers to have THAT particular burden. i don't think parents who are working to provide for the entire household should also be expected to sacrifice sleep on a regular basis in the absence of a crisis of some sort.
that being said, of course he should do it sometimes. the 24/7 strain of SAHM-ing is a tough one, and you need an occasional night off. i wouldn't expect him to rotate shifts, or to read your mind and intuit what you want. ask him if he will please take one weekend night so you can have that blessed respite of uninterrupted sleep. and remember to appreciate each other.
khairete
S.

I always got up but my husband would give me one night during the weekend where he does it all and I get to sleep in! Both of my kids sleep through the night now but when they were waking up he would do it to help me out and it was greatly appreciated!!

I would love to say that it is a 50/50 thing, but it's not. My husband have never ever gotten up when any of our children. Not Once. It's just the way it is.

I am my 3 kids morning, noon and night. I do occasionally ask for a break and it is only when I know it wouldn't have any impact on his job. I work 20 hours night shift a week and stay awake during the day those 2 days very long hours. So I do work outside the home but put in less hours/paycheck than he does. He does work overtime every week. I do wish and have said he could adjust his sleep schedule to be more helpful, but I also recognize he also is the one to do the fixes at home on his days off, even on his days on. You have to read him, whether or not having a sleepless night will impact his ability to show up to work safely, do his job safely, effectively. If the answer is he would be fine then go for a few days of the week in asking him to be the go to guy. Otherwise with the way the economy is protect his job by letting him sleep. If you need breaks, naps form a Mom's group that all trade off and give Mom's either an afternoon to nap or get pampered a few times a month to help you and other Mom's who feel kinda overwhelmed a break. He does however need to have full interaction with his children on weekends, but not on his days of work.

Let it go. He's doing his job and you are doing yours. My husband and I share this responsibility, but we both work too. On the mornings when I have to be to work at 6 a.m., my husband gets up with the baby and when I don't have to go in, I get up with the baby. It's a shared responsibility, because we both work.

Let that go. I would instead ask for him to give you a break during the day when he isn't sleeping so you can get out and do something for you. With his schedule, it makes sense he isn't going to get up during the night--but during the day, he should have no excuse to give you a break. Good luck!
You are not alone. I get up with my little one's 100% of the time.

M

I don't know the hours yours works, but my hubby works 90 to 100 hours a week this year, last year it was 100 to 110, so I only got to see him when he came home blurry eyed and hungry, with 15 minutes to feed him and send him off to bed. I never saw him, and the kids wouldn't have known the difference if he had deployed or not (we are military so him being deployed is real) as they went to be before he came home and got up after he left at 4 am. I gave birth last year to my now 10 month old and got told, "Hey you get to move the house! I am going to work... bye!" So yea, I get the whole, "I wish he would just get up so I wasn't in charge ALL the time!!!" Sadly, 50/50 is is just not possible in some situations. My hubby brings home 100% of the income, and if I was required to provide 50% of it I would be screwed... So is I am needed to do 99% of the parenting then so be it.

What i would do to catch up on sleep is get a friend to play with the kids while I took a nap during the weekends... just a thought...

I agree with moms who suggest he lets you sleep on at least one weekend night - or at least nap on weekends while he watches the kids. I did almost all the middle of the night stuff and I work full time but did get some time on weekends. I try to look at how each of our 24 hour day is divided. For instance, he gets home at 11pm. Does he have to be at work early too or does he get to sleep in? Can you go to be super early w/ your kids so while you're getting up during the night, you actually have more hours in bed than him? Know what I mean...? To me, if he say gets 10 or 12 hours to himself a day while you really can't get more than 6-7 hours, then it doesn't matter if he's the provider. It's too unbalanced. But if he's working all the time so doesn't have much more time than you - it's just his sleep is uninterrupted, then I guess it's fair.

I totally understand! I have twins, and I did most of the care for the first few months of their life, including almost all of the night feedings.

In my experience, it didn't do me a whole lot of good until my kids were older and he was able to really interact with them more. But hopefully it is different for you.

Maybe try explaining to him that while, yes he does bring home the money and works many hours to do that, at the end of the day he gets a break from all that, including days off. But as a parent, you don't get time off or days off...and you would love him to be a bit more involved so you can have time away from your job too. I have always considered a family (even one with just one breadwinner) is a team effort between both parents. After all, you take care of the kids so he doesn't need to stay home with them. You both have duties to do, and both deserve time off from them.
Hopefully you get it worked out, and just know that if it doesn't turn out the way you are hoping, it does get easier when they get older. My kiddos are 20 mo. old, and though they still wake up once a night or so (more if they are sick or the neighbors are making alot of noise) it is usually a simple fix and a quick soothe that they need and then its easier to relax.

If the second scenario is more likely, here is something that worked great for us. We started a bedtime routine (just assuming that you might not have already started this) with our kiddos when they were about 2 mo. old..amazingly enough, Dad did help with that lol. We bathed them, rubbed them down with night-time lavendar lotion (johnsons smells amazing, and is so mild) fed them a bottle (or sippy when they got older) and put them to bed on their own with a comfort toy, a thin blanket, some sort of background noise, and a nightlight. They get used to falling asleep on their own so it gets easier. We also put them to bed around 7 pm so they have the chance to get a good amount of sleep (though they don't nap as long during the day) and so we can un-wind and have time to ourselves before we too go to sleep. Though they do tend to get up a bit earlier. Our kids sleep about 12 hours a night...maybe you will be lucky with that too lol.
Anyways, good luck!! I really hope it works out well for you, because I definitely know that frustration!!

you know I can't stand people who view either their selves or even their significant other views being a SAHM as not having a job. Sorry but any job compared to that is nothing to me. My husband is in the Army, he works long hours and most times they are off the wall and he comes home late. It doesn't matter though, he helps me especially since I am pregnant with number 2. Our son is 10 months old and lucky for us he sleeps through the night. But on weekends I get to sleep in and he takes care of everything. You fiancee needs to help regardless of him being the provider. When having a baby/ family it is a 50/50 thing it's not "oh honey lets have a baby, but when the baby gets here you'll be up so I can sleep since I work and technically you don't" I can't stand that kind of thing.
When our son just came home my hubby took some NyQuil and wouldn't wake up for nothing. I was so overwhelmed I almost had a break down. After that night we switched off or we both got up to help one another, like he would hold him and I would make the bottle and let him feed and then the next shift went to me. It's what a couple does. And my husband sometimes pulls 24 hour shifts but he still always helps. There is no reason he can't help just because he comes home at 11 p.m. I would talk to him about this and let him know it's stressing you out and that you need help. There is nothing wrong with asking him for help and if he complains and says he's tired you tell him tough cookies mister you wanted children and they come with responsibility now start taking some.

Good luck. :)

My hubby will not get up unless I ask him to, but if I ask, he always does. My kids usually want mommy at night (or are nursing infants) so he can't always help anyway. I am pg with number three and am home full time with kids who do not nap (almost 3 and 5). He brings in the $$ but my job is more physically demanding and he knows I work HARD all day....cooking, cleaning, errands, schlepping from 7 to 7. We split chilcare 50-50 when he is home.

1st of all you do have a job and are providing for your family. Being a SAHM is one of the toughest jobs in the world. There is no sick leave, personal days or vacation days. You're on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week. That being said you too deserve a break. Hubby and I both work full time. I work from home and hubby works a few minutes from our house. We are both in the IT industry and dealing with clients all day. Sleep is critical to your over all well being. We rotate the night shift with our baby. If she only wakes once in the night one of us gets up with her and the other takes the next night. However sometimes she wakes up twice for feedings and each of us takes a turn that night. It just depends. We both made the decision to have a family and it is both of our responsibility to tend to their needs. Good Luck and God Bless!

My husband works and has to be up at 6am every morning so I wake up throughout the night with our daughter. I'm OK with it since he has to be up early for work.

I took a 9-month leave of absence when my son was born and my husband was still working. During that time, he would either take the last feeding before he went to bed (because he went to bed later than I did) or he would take the first feeding of the morning (meaning, he would get up a little earlier than normal). Once the baby starting waking up only about once a night we alternated nights and took turns getting up with the baby.

When I worked too, I asked(expected) my husband to help and get up with the baby. I didn't have to work with the 2nd one, so during the week I got up. I asked for his help on the weekends though so that I could get caught up on some sleep!! All I can tell you is to sleep when you can when she is sleeping during the day during the week!! I didn't do that at first and found that I really didn't get any more done because I was so tired. It helped alot to sleep when she did. Good luck :)

My hubby drives virtually all day, so I did all the getting up during the week both times bc I did want him to survive to see our babies grow up!;) The first time around he would do all the getting up on the weekend nights and rest some in the day, but then when we had our second, he would sleep and take the lead with the care of our 2.5 yr old in the morning etc. So, just look at what he is able to do realistically and talk about it. It is great that he is making $$!! If you need a little more help, maybe think of some way he can help and still get rest as well. Take care!!

I'm not going to be much help, but Melissa's response made me laugh. not that it's funny, but it was my life too when raising babies. I have never been a good sleeper. Since I was a little girl I have laid awake in bed for hours wishing I could sleep, but never could. So, what fun when I grew up and had a baby and it gave me something worthwhile and useful to do in the night! But then I was blessed with a really easy baby and he would wake up, eat for 10 minutes and go right back to sleep and I was left wishing I'd had triplets of something just to give me something to do rest of the night. A few years later, the same thing happend when we had our daughtger. She would wake up,,eat,,go back to sleep. (I know you are hate me now,lol) Then one day when out with other couples, they were all complaining about kids waking up in the night and disrupting their sleep and someone asked us if our kids sleep thru the night yet. And my husband, acting all "Best Dad of the Year" responded,, "oh yes they both slept thru the night right from the day we brought them home" !!!! WHAT? He never even knew they woke up, that I got up, or that anything ever happend in the night! So, I know I didn't have any advice for you but I just had to let you know you aren't the only one waking up and doing it all in the night. oh ok, here is some advice. Nap when they nap in the daytime. (o:

I have a 15 month old and I got up all the time with her when she was younger when me and her dad were working and after I stopped working. I didn't mind because I didn't sleep much anyway...hubby would have helped but I did it anyway. No, I do NOT think you are overreacting. I know it's not easy and not everyone can go on as little sleep as I can. One question...have you ever asked him to help? Or told him how you feel? He may not know. **If you do decide to ask your hubby-2-be for some help...to me this is very important and I'm sure it would mean a lot to him, don't forget to tell him that you know he's tired too from working and how much you appreciate him and the fact that he works hard to provide for you and your family but you are feeling a little overwhelmed and if he didn't mind helping once in a while.** Well, this is what I would say...I hope this helps.......Good Luck!!! : )

it should be whatever works for your family...my husband is a night owl and he usually gets up with the kids no matter what. He has always been like that. We work out what needs done. Who ever was off the next day would get up so i did give him a break. If we were both off i would let him sleep in. Look in to mommy's day out services so you can have a break or maybe a friend can watch them for a hour or two so you can have some down time. SAHM are great but you need time to yourself too. good luck

My DD is almsot 19 weeks and I have gotten up with her every time. I am also SAHM and my DH rotates through 3 different shifts. With my DS I lived close to my parents and if I needed a break like a full nights sleep I would stay the night there and my parents would get up with him. Now we live 3 states away from any family so I thought maybe he would get up at least every once in a while but...
For the first couple weeks I would get upset but now I am so adjusted ( and she is only getting up once a night) that I could care less. But that's just me. And on his days off he still doesn't get up in the night but he will take our DS to school and then at some point during the day he will take the kids while I sneek in a little nap.
I do feel guilty having him get up when I know while he is at work he needs to be operating fully alert, I will say though if a FB game is on he will find it in him to operate on less sleep then normal : )
Mention it to him, maybe you can make it a once a week thing?? You can't make it any worse lol... worse case scenario you will still be the only one getting up, just my opinion.

I feel your pain... I have a 3 yr old (41 mths) and a 14 mth old. I've always gotten up. The only exception is when they both wake. Then my man will take the older one into our bed (& then promptly falls back to sleep).

Last month, I politely asked if he would give me a break on the upcoming weekend, by getting up w/ the kids & letting me sleep in for a change. Since my oldest was born I have gotten up, taken the kids downstairs, cooked breakfast & let my husband sleep in every weekend except 2xs (when grandma had the little ones). My husband agreed but said to remind him. I was offended & told him that in over 3 yrs, I'd never asked for him to get up on the weekend, that this was the least he could do.

Kudos for my husband that he got the stress in my voice, and he attempted to let me sleep in both days... 1st day unsuccessfully as my children did not cooperate, but both days he made breakfast for all of us for the 1st time since we've had kids.

I think you need to be more proactive than I was... talk to your man now & see if you can't reach a compromise. Don't wait 3 yrs til, you ask for a little time for you. Remember if Mama is happy everyone is happy too. If you're well rested & feel supported you will have more energy for him.

Me. Always. I am a SAHM, but the bigger reason is because I'm breastfeeding. If I was not, I'd expect him to grab the occassional night waking, but as it is, for me there is no point.

our deal when I was on maternity leave was that I would get up on weeknights and my husband on nights when he didnt have to work in the morning. When I went back to work it was mostly him, simply because I'm a sound sleeper and he's not, but she slept through the night mostly since 3 months, so it wasnt often anyone had to get up.