We went to my nieces birthday party (my 5 year old, my bf, and I) He met my niece once before, and shes obsessed with my bf, cute but over the top, as in she'd rather not play with her friends and cousins and keep hugging and clibming on him, the whole time. He takes it well and keeps playing and hugging and picking her up, as do I , I love the little stinker...I take her everywhere with M., as does my brother with my daughter. we call eachothers girls our 2nd daughters jokingly b/c we feel that close to eachothers girls. Well she runs up and says I LOVE YOU to him. so he says it back b/c she put him on the spot, which wouldn't be an issue but when he relayed this story to M. it hit M. like a ton of bricks. Only because my daughter used to tell him when she first met him and he'd never say it back, he even told M. once that he didnt want to say it back without meaning it. So he'd J. reply ohhh ur so sweet and pretty emmy...or something of the sort...so hearing that he said it to my niece the same age, who he's only met once before made M. want to cry like a little girl, since he;s never told my daughter or reciprocated it to her.
We've only been dating for a year, so it wouldn't normally upset M. that he hasn't said it yet to her, but hearing him respond to my niece, who he;s only met once, annd never to my daughter who he now sees almost daily (since we've been alot more serious and talking about a future in the last few months), I felt so hurt. Probably b/c I'm pmsing and have been having a terrbiel month so far, but still it hurt my feelings.
I was honest with him and told him that it bummed M. out to hear and he said he understood completely, and said he didn't reciprocate when emmy said it when he 1st met her b/c i told him i didnt want her to get close to him prior to us being so serious we knew we were in it with potential for a long future together, so he said he purposely distanced himself back then and that if she said it now he'd definitely say it back and actually mean it to her. But I'm still girly and PMSING and feel bummed about it.
So how do I grow up and not be so hurt, (i completely understand his explanation but i'm still a little hurt) Would it hurt you if it happened to you? I feel like during this time of the month I become a lunatic who acts like a 15 year old emotional girl, and i'm 29...lol....i cant wiat for this week to be over=)
Do you get upset during this crappy time of the month over silly things, and blow things out of proportion in your head as well? I seem to be able to catch myself and not be grumpy or mean, but in my head I get bummed a whole lot easier than normal.
Once again, you seem to be looking for a "problem" when this guy is TRYING to do the right thing!
Doesn't it count for anything with you that he is a million times more careful with your daughter's feelings than he is with a kid he has seen twice in his life?
Yep, you're PMS'ing!
There's nothing to the niece thing. But there's plenty of somethings to your daughter. He is oh so careful about her, because he wants things to be right.
Give him that. And respect him for it. I would also not make him have to be climbed all over by your niece. That's J. humilitating for him. (Frankly, I'd leave him at home some when you go over there til that youngun gets a crush on some other good looking dude!)
Sounds like you three need to take a trip off together. Let nature take its course. If he is THE one, you'll figure that out, and he will too.
Dawn
Honey, you're PMSing. Your boyfriend probably J. said I love you back to your neice because he doesn't really care. It doesn't mean anything when said to a five year old who isn't all that important to him.
If he truly cares about you and your daughter, he understands how important it is to mean it when he says I love you. So he's not going to throw it around with your daughter until he can really mean it. His explanation to you is a VERY GOOD ONE!!
You're making something out of nothing. Go eat chocolate and you'll fee better!
Your boyfriend did the right thing in regard to your daughter and for the right reasons. So you're bummed, so what? You feel how you feel, then you shake it off. It doesn't have to be a big deal or something to have a huge talk over. So be bummed, but get over it and stop making such a big deal about it. This is J. some guy you've been dating for ONLY a year. Many women don't even introduce the men they date to their very young daughters until they've known the men they're dating for several years and know that marriage is in the future.
What I don't get is why are you blaming PMS? That J. set the women's movement back like 50 years. I get PMDD, so yes, I know about "that time of the month" and how crazed hormones can be. But take ownership for your emotions and your reactions to situations and events.
Sounds like he's got a lot more at stake with your daughter than with your niece, so he is being much more careful with her feelings and with his own. The niece doesn't "matter" as much, so he can be more cavalier with her. But his feelings for your daughter are true, and he obviously cares so much about her. You're letting your PMS get the better of you...there's no conflict here. You and your daughter matter more, he loves the both of you, he's not going to throw meaningless "I love you"s at you.
And yes, I'm a BEAR when I get my period. It's good you recognize that your feelings are slightly unreasonable at this time of the month - totally normal, I'm the same way.
He's actually doing the right thing. There is a HUGE difference between saying it to your niece, with whom he has no relationship at all and is J. being "nice" to, vs. your daughter who could potentially become his by marriage. When he says it to your daughter, he'll be ready and it'll be REAL.
If I were you, I'd try not to be upset at all. Fact is, you told him to take it slow. So he is.
Chances are, he loves your daughter but waited to say it back. You niece - she's J. another kid - so he said it back to be nice. Not because it's necessarily true.
He told you that he in fact loves her. Enough to say it to her - which should be a big thing for you - in a terrific way. It's all good. Go have a pint of ice cream and wait out the PMS. :)
Yes, it would bother M. a little, his excuse makes sense why he didn't say it to your daughter... but he could of said the same thing to the niece "oh, you are such a sweetie...", so it would still bother M..... BUT I wouldn't be mad over it. He sounds like a genuine guy who is navigating the relationship carefully.
And yes, I get overly emotional while pms'ing.
If it were M., I would chalk it up to PMS and ask my man to make it really special when he did reciprocate it back to my(your) daughter. That way, its bananas better than with your neice, LOL :)
